Are you listening?

I had two kinds of telephone conversations this morning: one with someone who was listening and the other with someone who barely does. What a contrast. The first one was a steady flow--an engaged exchange that was quiet, respectful, and informative.  I felt good afterwards. I spoke she, listened. I listened, she spoke. We established a rhythm and respected it. Something productive and substantial was born there.  The last one was nerve-wracking. I was constantly being interrupted, though it was clear the interrupter was so used to doing it, he didn't even think he was doing it. I had to strain to repeat myself and make myself heard, but he was always already elsewhere--everywhere but with me on the subject. I was talking, he was talking. I was talking but I was already being dismissed: "okay...okay...okay...okay!" That was totally tiring and frustrating. It was rude. I felt frazzled after. There are people who truly do not know how to listen. They do not know how to make space for the other. There is only them--their thoughts, what they want to say. It's all about getting their pictures, ideas and concepts across and yours out of the way. Your words are merely jump off points for theirs. So much healing can happen in the world if everyone learned to truly listen, not just to words but to all the in-betweens that accompany them. Making space for the other is a daily act of giving--but also receiving.  Anyone who does not recognize that would naturally dismiss someone else's thoughts, especially if he has been allowed to overrule and interrupt everyone time and time again. Since non-listeners are a dime a dozen, we all have to learn to take deep breaths before and after we speak to them. We also have to make an effort--especially in a group setting where emergent dialogue is always sacred--to tell the interrupters to back down and make space for other voices to be heard. It is selfish to think that only your ideas are worthwhile. It is selfish to think that a person has nothing new or useful to impart. Listen. Really listen to what is being said. Take a step backward and create the space for ideas, thoughts, pictures, sounds and movement to be born. This world isn't yours alone. Everyone has his role to play and we must encourage everyone to play it well. We can only make space when we listen. Listen.