PURE SEX

The phrase came to me in the context of sex without love. Pure sex. I actually think the opposite--that sex with love is pure sex.  Not even pure in the sense of "clean"which Pinoys always love to throw into the equation, but whole and unsullied; as it should be.

The question was: is it possible to have "pure sex" without love? Given my definition, no.  But in the context in which it was asked (sex without love)I would have to say, yes, it is more than possible. But the question begs: WHY?

Everyone who has had sex with someone who was not fully engaged in heart, mind and body, or who wasn't fully there himself, knows that it leads to greater hunger and desperation. But what is the quality of that hunger and what will truly satisfy it?  We search for it constantly in the realm of the physical, but it isn't there at all.  (A better lover won't do it, either.)  If only physical satisfaction is met, the hunger to experience the true essence of sex grows because what we end up feeling is what was not there that should have been. But if there is a working towards integration of one's highest self and the sexual self, then a space is created for an authentic convergence within, which to me is a necessary ingredient towards a truly full relationship with another.  Then the experience is whole and finally, truly satisfying.

Every person goes through his own battle in the often muddy and misunderstood realm of sexuality. It is a minefield we all must traverse.  But if we paid attention to our feelings, reactions, questions--in mind, body and soul--before, during and after our sexual encounters (with loved or not-so-loved partners)and we are honest with ourselves about it, so much would be revealed.  Really, I feel that the physical coming together ought to come when everything else has come together.  It is the ideal, at least, and worth striving for. 

If we truly paid attention to our authentic feelings, we would realize that the ideal path to a healthy and vibrant sexuality is often already lit but because something in us senses that it is going to be difficult, we choose to close our eyes and go back to sleep instead, afraid of what the journey demands. But what we don't realize is that at the end of all the thrashing, tripping, falling and peeling of painful layers, is that person who is able to integrate his sexuality and spirituality and have fantastic sex in the context of love at last. Pure sex. And after that, the turmoil subsides and new, deeper questions arise that encompass the greater world at last.  But to get there means swimming in the uncharted waters of our soul and spiritual life and stepping up, with full courage, to what that means.

Sex is not just physical. I believe that the physical body is only the portal, so the work of understanding sex is elsewhere in and around us: in our thoughts, soul and spiritual lives, in the world and in the same elements in our partners.

It is a lifetime of work, of that I am convinced, but being conscious of our spirtuality and sexuality, first as individuals, and then in the context of true partnerships, I am hopeful we will come to experience pure sex as the physical expression of love between two (striving to be)integrated human beings who have finally learned that sexuality is a fine and divine expression of their spirituality.

 

SEX

A few nights ago, the topic of sex came up when friends started kidding each other about exclusivity versus promiscuity. I have learned from Christian Community priests and some other readings on partnership and sexuality that when two people come together sexually, an exchange and enmeshing of our "life bodies" (chi) occur, which explains why attachments are quickly formed even if, in some cases, one feels the encounter was fleeting or ought not to be repeated. This also explains AIDS, to a certain degree. When one has multiple partners, the life force is almost torn to shreds because it has been repeatedly enmeshed with others, leaving very little healthy substance in it to sustain the physical body. The physical body is then weakened to a level where it becomes very susceptible to illness. These are just broad strokes towards a deeper understanding of sexuality that I feel is a totally overlooked and rarely understood topic. If this reality were explained to us, I think we would all have a healthier attitude towards sex.  Telling the population that sex before marriage is prohibited and promiscuity a sin makes it all the more enticing because it shrouds the whole thing in medieval mystery and who doesn't love that?(Besides, what is sin? But let's save that for later)But if you explain what promiscuity does to your life force and general health, well, that changes the picture profoundly: Why would I want to share my life forces with a total stranger? I've been told that disentangling on this level takes anywhere from 5 to 7 years, so can you imagine what the life body of a person with multiple, multiple, multiple partners must look like? So it is true that if you sleep with one person, you're sleeping with everyone they've ever slept with. Whew.  Or, ick. The life body, forces, energy of people are then enmeshed and imprinted on each other like indelible ink that takes years and years to erase. Why would you want to give that precious energy away to someone (or worse, many someones) you don't even know or trust or, worse, dislike? Our sexual energy is also our most spiritual energy, and I think people who have a lot of it are probably most spiritual and creative, but those who use this energy inappropriately have also probably not found their true task in life and so the energy is exploding elsewhere. When two people are caught in a web of lust and extreme chemical attraction, what is really at the heart of this attraction?  Is it just lust for lust's sake, or is it a burning spiritual question that may lead to one's life task, or work that must be done together in the greater service of the world? Sexual energy is spiritual energy expressed in our physicality, which is why it is so often spoken and written about in the light of sin and morality. Sex itself ought to be a conscious, spiritual connection, which is why it is so difficult to come to terms with it on all levels and why men and women often stumble on its path. Sex for women is about taking in, while for men it is about release. I believe this is why men need it so often. To them it is pure release. For women it is literally and spiritually, taking someone else into our bodies, souls, lives, and so it is not so easy. The joke about wives always having headaches is not that big a joke after all. If you are a wife and mother, you are almost always full to the brim and so you need to consciously make space to be able to receive and receive and receive and have that be an experience that is fulfilling to you--not enervating and emptying.  How many of us know how to do this? How many of us know how to prepare internally for the physical union--to give it proper space and form, heart and substance? These are just thoughts to ponder. Don't take my word for it.