A few nights ago, the topic of sex came up when friends started kidding each other about exclusivity versus promiscuity. I have learned from Christian Community priests and some other readings on partnership and sexuality that when two people come together sexually, an exchange and enmeshing of our "life bodies" (chi) occur, which explains why attachments are quickly formed even if, in some cases, one feels the encounter was fleeting or ought not to be repeated. This also explains AIDS, to a certain degree. When one has multiple partners, the life force is almost torn to shreds because it has been repeatedly enmeshed with others, leaving very little healthy substance in it to sustain the physical body. The physical body is then weakened to a level where it becomes very susceptible to illness. These are just broad strokes towards a deeper understanding of sexuality that I feel is a totally overlooked and rarely understood topic. If this reality were explained to us, I think we would all have a healthier attitude towards sex. Telling the population that sex before marriage is prohibited and promiscuity a sin makes it all the more enticing because it shrouds the whole thing in medieval mystery and who doesn't love that?(Besides, what is sin? But let's save that for later)But if you explain what promiscuity does to your life force and general health, well, that changes the picture profoundly: Why would I want to share my life forces with a total stranger? I've been told that disentangling on this level takes anywhere from 5 to 7 years, so can you imagine what the life body of a person with multiple, multiple, multiple partners must look like? So it is true that if you sleep with one person, you're sleeping with everyone they've ever slept with. Whew. Or, ick. The life body, forces, energy of people are then enmeshed and imprinted on each other like indelible ink that takes years and years to erase. Why would you want to give that precious energy away to someone (or worse, many someones) you don't even know or trust or, worse, dislike? Our sexual energy is also our most spiritual energy, and I think people who have a lot of it are probably most spiritual and creative, but those who use this energy inappropriately have also probably not found their true task in life and so the energy is exploding elsewhere. When two people are caught in a web of lust and extreme chemical attraction, what is really at the heart of this attraction? Is it just lust for lust's sake, or is it a burning spiritual question that may lead to one's life task, or work that must be done together in the greater service of the world? Sexual energy is spiritual energy expressed in our physicality, which is why it is so often spoken and written about in the light of sin and morality. Sex itself ought to be a conscious, spiritual connection, which is why it is so difficult to come to terms with it on all levels and why men and women often stumble on its path. Sex for women is about taking in, while for men it is about release. I believe this is why men need it so often. To them it is pure release. For women it is literally and spiritually, taking someone else into our bodies, souls, lives, and so it is not so easy. The joke about wives always having headaches is not that big a joke after all. If you are a wife and mother, you are almost always full to the brim and so you need to consciously make space to be able to receive and receive and receive and have that be an experience that is fulfilling to you--not enervating and emptying. How many of us know how to do this? How many of us know how to prepare internally for the physical union--to give it proper space and form, heart and substance? These are just thoughts to ponder. Don't take my word for it.
Saturday, April 5, 2008
SEX
A few nights ago, the topic of sex came up when friends started kidding each other about exclusivity versus promiscuity. I have learned from Christian Community priests and some other readings on partnership and sexuality that when two people come together sexually, an exchange and enmeshing of our "life bodies" (chi) occur, which explains why attachments are quickly formed even if, in some cases, one feels the encounter was fleeting or ought not to be repeated. This also explains AIDS, to a certain degree. When one has multiple partners, the life force is almost torn to shreds because it has been repeatedly enmeshed with others, leaving very little healthy substance in it to sustain the physical body. The physical body is then weakened to a level where it becomes very susceptible to illness. These are just broad strokes towards a deeper understanding of sexuality that I feel is a totally overlooked and rarely understood topic. If this reality were explained to us, I think we would all have a healthier attitude towards sex. Telling the population that sex before marriage is prohibited and promiscuity a sin makes it all the more enticing because it shrouds the whole thing in medieval mystery and who doesn't love that?(Besides, what is sin? But let's save that for later)But if you explain what promiscuity does to your life force and general health, well, that changes the picture profoundly: Why would I want to share my life forces with a total stranger? I've been told that disentangling on this level takes anywhere from 5 to 7 years, so can you imagine what the life body of a person with multiple, multiple, multiple partners must look like? So it is true that if you sleep with one person, you're sleeping with everyone they've ever slept with. Whew. Or, ick. The life body, forces, energy of people are then enmeshed and imprinted on each other like indelible ink that takes years and years to erase. Why would you want to give that precious energy away to someone (or worse, many someones) you don't even know or trust or, worse, dislike? Our sexual energy is also our most spiritual energy, and I think people who have a lot of it are probably most spiritual and creative, but those who use this energy inappropriately have also probably not found their true task in life and so the energy is exploding elsewhere. When two people are caught in a web of lust and extreme chemical attraction, what is really at the heart of this attraction? Is it just lust for lust's sake, or is it a burning spiritual question that may lead to one's life task, or work that must be done together in the greater service of the world? Sexual energy is spiritual energy expressed in our physicality, which is why it is so often spoken and written about in the light of sin and morality. Sex itself ought to be a conscious, spiritual connection, which is why it is so difficult to come to terms with it on all levels and why men and women often stumble on its path. Sex for women is about taking in, while for men it is about release. I believe this is why men need it so often. To them it is pure release. For women it is literally and spiritually, taking someone else into our bodies, souls, lives, and so it is not so easy. The joke about wives always having headaches is not that big a joke after all. If you are a wife and mother, you are almost always full to the brim and so you need to consciously make space to be able to receive and receive and receive and have that be an experience that is fulfilling to you--not enervating and emptying. How many of us know how to do this? How many of us know how to prepare internally for the physical union--to give it proper space and form, heart and substance? These are just thoughts to ponder. Don't take my word for it.
MOI?
Somewhere in the comments section of this blog, someone suggested I write about my life ala "Sex and the City" and I had to laugh. Still laughing. My life is more like "mom in the suburbs". Make that "crazy mom in the suburbs". I don't even wear heels any more or tight clothing. I live in my birks and all kinds of flats. I'm in my t-shirts and jeans or workout clothes, though I haven't actually worked out in over a month. I remember feeling grumpy years ago, after word got to me that a woman in my community said I don't take care of my looks anymore. Sigh. I had to remind the messenger that someone's image of me was clearly not about who I really am today. The days of make-up and heels were long gone. I'm not the type to get all dolled up to bring my kids to and from school. I am someone else today. Glamour is not for me. Not so long ago, someone from an ad agency sent an email asking if I would consider doing an ad for an anti-aging product. I'm not laughing about that anymore, but I did. I believe in aging. I embrace it. Though, like everyone else, I find myself resisting change and lament the sprouting of added flesh and jiggle, I know that to go against aging is to go against nature. I can't do that. I would love to be able to exercise more, but the reality is I am tired most days and I have learned to listen to my body rather than impose on it. My partner thinks my jiggles are all woman. My kids love me, too, and make sure they add a squeeze or three, each time they tell me. So, "Sex and the City" it isn't, but my life has become so much more: balanced, inwardly rich, and infinitely more true.Oh, and notice what the poster says after "Coming Soon"? "Only in Theaters". Ponder that.
Friday, April 4, 2008
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KD!
I can't make this photo any bigger, but I would magnify it a thousand times if I could. Well, maybe not. It's not his best photo, but I like it anyway because I can imagine the million ways he would make fun of it. Today is his birthday and I'm busy remembering all the laughing (hindi na makahinga) fits we had years and years ago--over a decade na yata, when we worked together. I had the best times with him. In this day of fair-weather friends, it is good to remember those who manage to stay true, even just through text. Happy Birthday, KD!
HAY BUHAY!!
This is my hallway. I moved to my (hopefully) forever house last Monday and am neck, no, brain deep in boxes and belongings and furniture and dust and memories and hopes and frustrations and disappointments and forced self-assurances. Today I am deciding to sit and write so that I can breathe. It has been non-stop chaos and craziness all week. I'm gaining weight (gasp!)from the stress and inability to cook my meals (too much fixing up to do, gas tank not yet connected and incredible junk from the past cluttering my little kitchen), so I am eating out a lot which means I am not eating the healthiest food. Hay buhay talaga. How to maintain equanimity? The spontaneous and gut-truthful answer right now is: EWAN. Everyday I struggle to be the change with contractors, suppliers, etc., who seem to want me to be unpleasant before they do the work they are supposed to do anyway. But everyday it is a struggle. It's difficult for an organized person to be in the midst of constant, unrelenting disorganized energy. I'm not picking up calls because I know that my anger will most likely flare up in ways I will regret, so I simply text back that I need to breathe and manufacture calmness. I struggle with my simple meditation exercises because most days, the seething wins. It's difficult to build a home when no one else feels the urgency with you--to get things right and get them done. Building and moving into a new home is like shedding your skin and growing a new sheath. If you don't have the tools to energize the process, you mostly feel like your dangling by a fraying sliver of thread with the full weight of the world teetering on your fractured shoulder. If only architects, contractors and anyone involved in building homes could put that into the equation, perhaps they would treat the process with a lot more care, concern and consistency. There should be no room for casual and unprofessional behavior. This life-changing event is already too painful as it is.
Monday, March 31, 2008
JOY! JOY! JOY!
This is my son, Andres, at 6 months old. When I am consumed with life's burdens and find myself short of breath and overwhelmed, I look at the baby pictures of my boys and giggle. In that space, I am able to exhale. I remember how he smelled that day, fresh from a soak in his little tub. I love the way the sunlight touches the back of his head and slides down the slope of his tiny back. I'm hoping this will have the same effect on you. I am moving to a largely unfinished house today and have to face everything that means, full force. So I start the task by taking deep breaths and cashing in on a few giggles. This photo guarantees it.
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