Every woman struggles with this. As a mother you're always caught between giving your children freedom and boundaries. When do you give in, when do you hold back? How do you balance all the aspects of your womanhood: wife, mother, lover, warrior, daughter, sister, co-worker, individual...? It is a daily challenge, especially when you want to live consciously. For mothers like me, whose children have to meet with a totally different lifestyle when they are with their father, there is the added challenge of letting go and accepting that there are aspects of their life you don't see and cannot control. I find the phrase "good enough mother" very moving and comforting because it recognizes the inner struggle of every mother to be her very best and the inevitable feeling of failure that comes with it. When you bring children into the world, you want only the best for them. It is your responsibility. It is your goal. It is your every breath. But life happens along the way and you mostly have to make do. Achieving balance is a colossal struggle because so many people need you but to be able to serve them well, someone has to look after you. And we all know that for every woman, that person is no one but herself. I went to see a doctor a few weeks ago to discuss some therapies for my children who can't seem to get over their asthma. Their doctor prescribed therapies that I was feeling so totally overwhelmed about because I am just one, they are two, and I'm already doing everything I can for them in terms of medicines and therapies, rhythm, diet--you name it. The doctor looked at me and said I was the one that needed caring for and strengthening because I was clearly exhausted and what strength could my children get from me when I am running on empty? I could have kissed the ground she walked on. As women, we always pedal to the back of the line for others, when we have to learn that we can serve better when we are strong, healthy and cared for. Every husband and father ought to see that if the mother of their children are healthy and secure, so will their children be. Instead, the full weight of the world is on mothers today. No wonder our kids suffer, too. Balance. Every woman ought to fight for it and claim it. It's easier said than done, I know, when we are so programmed to think of others and never of ourselves. I'm trying my best to make that part of my agenda this year and every day after. Of course I had to choose the year where I'm in the midst of building a house and rectifying the horrors that come with it, but it's precisely what pushed me to realize that I have to take care of myself more because I am totally useless to the people I love when I am unwell. Balance. May every woman achieve it.
Monday, April 14, 2008
Balance
Every woman struggles with this. As a mother you're always caught between giving your children freedom and boundaries. When do you give in, when do you hold back? How do you balance all the aspects of your womanhood: wife, mother, lover, warrior, daughter, sister, co-worker, individual...? It is a daily challenge, especially when you want to live consciously. For mothers like me, whose children have to meet with a totally different lifestyle when they are with their father, there is the added challenge of letting go and accepting that there are aspects of their life you don't see and cannot control. I find the phrase "good enough mother" very moving and comforting because it recognizes the inner struggle of every mother to be her very best and the inevitable feeling of failure that comes with it. When you bring children into the world, you want only the best for them. It is your responsibility. It is your goal. It is your every breath. But life happens along the way and you mostly have to make do. Achieving balance is a colossal struggle because so many people need you but to be able to serve them well, someone has to look after you. And we all know that for every woman, that person is no one but herself. I went to see a doctor a few weeks ago to discuss some therapies for my children who can't seem to get over their asthma. Their doctor prescribed therapies that I was feeling so totally overwhelmed about because I am just one, they are two, and I'm already doing everything I can for them in terms of medicines and therapies, rhythm, diet--you name it. The doctor looked at me and said I was the one that needed caring for and strengthening because I was clearly exhausted and what strength could my children get from me when I am running on empty? I could have kissed the ground she walked on. As women, we always pedal to the back of the line for others, when we have to learn that we can serve better when we are strong, healthy and cared for. Every husband and father ought to see that if the mother of their children are healthy and secure, so will their children be. Instead, the full weight of the world is on mothers today. No wonder our kids suffer, too. Balance. Every woman ought to fight for it and claim it. It's easier said than done, I know, when we are so programmed to think of others and never of ourselves. I'm trying my best to make that part of my agenda this year and every day after. Of course I had to choose the year where I'm in the midst of building a house and rectifying the horrors that come with it, but it's precisely what pushed me to realize that I have to take care of myself more because I am totally useless to the people I love when I am unwell. Balance. May every woman achieve it.
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