Tying the Knot

I saw an episode of Brothers & Sisters last night. It was the wedding episode. I always cry at weddings, but this was particularly moving because the bride was given away by her mom, a widow, who found out her husband (the bride's father)had another family shortly after his death. Talk about the last to know. Anyway, she's walking her daughter down the aisle, all the while telling her not to lose herself, her identity, her strength after she's married. When the priest asks, "Who gives away the bride?', the mother says, "She gives herself away freely with my love and blessing." I found that so touching and so appropriate. I think it so important that we all study the sacraments again and come into a new understanding of them. Just think of the marriage sacrament in the Catholic church today.  Does the ritual, the words, the symbols, still resonate with you? We all just do these things automatically today, not bothering to think about what these sacraments mean--what are they there for, what are they meant to provide? What is our role in them? How do we receive them? I belong to a church called The Christian Community and one of the reasons it piqued my interest many years ago, was because I learned that in their marriage sacrament,  promises are not made to each other. Instead, the promises are made to the self. I found that so wonderfully mature and conscious.  Actually, how binding--binding from a space of freedom. I am still learning about the renewed sacraments in our church and each discovery has led me to a deeper and authentic understanding of what they bring. This little snippet from the movie brought me to that place of questions again. I think we don't ask enough of them, nor are equipped to ask the right ones, especially when we approach life thresholds. I thought I was pretty conscious when I was married, but I have learned so much more since and now I realize I didn't ask the right questions, either.  Though I wrote my own vows, I simply did not know what I was doing in the larger and deeper spiritual sense. That is one big threshold that everyone ought to take a lot more seriously.  The wedding -- the place of the greatest misplaced attention -- is but the beginning.  Yes, it's important to get it right, but the dress, flowers and guest list are the least of your worries.  Start with the sacrament. Study the words. Study the ritual.  See what all that means to you and what it will mean for the union. In the end, the flowers don't matter.