It's How We Roll

I watched a rather silly film called "Hall Pass" recently. It's about two mid-lifing men who get a hall pass from their wives: a week off from their marriages to get everything out of their systems. The men are total flops and are proven to be total losers in the dating game. The women inadvertently do better. This made me think of how different male and female sexuality truly are.

I read before that women's orgasms really happen in the brain, but I have to say it's not really the brain. It sounds so terribly corny, but for a woman it starts in the soul.  So, if you're inattentive, spacing out, not listening, being a flake, not holding your own, don't expect us to want sex. It just doesn't happen that way. Women are turned on by engagement. When we are seen, heard, spoken to, appreciated, heart to heart and soul to soul authentically by our faithful lovers, that is the hottest thing.

Perhaps I speak for myself, but rippled abs don't do it for me.  In fact, men who spend too much time trying to do the macho turn me off.  Men who are engaged in life and truth, who have integrity, are gentle and kind and are not led by their hormones and emotions, are not dazzled and dazed by superficiality, who find beauty where others can't--these are the qualities that turn a woman on, so much more than muscles or wealth.

For a woman, the way to sexual intimacy is an all-terrain ride. Sorry, but that's just the way it is. For men, the close proximity of flesh is all it takes. For us, it goes further back. Are you present when we're together? Do you see me? Hear me? Are you interested in what I'm saying or are you nodding off absently? Every meeting and coming together is a building block towards better sex. We need for the invisible connections to be vivid, strong and present, and then we want to take it to the next level. But if all we see is disinterest or physical need and nothing more, a good read might be more enticing.

And that is just the way it is for us, especially as we grow older and come into our own. Sexual intimacy happens way outside the bedroom first. Every encounter with our partner throughout the day, in every way, will determine our enthusiasm and desire for more later on.

Yup. That's just how we roll.