Sober All By Myself

I'm allergic to alcohol, so I don't drink.  Of course I sort of experimented when I was young, but the discomfort that came with drinking turned me off it. Seeing what alcohol did to people convinced me it wasn't worth it.

I see how people get: slurry, obnoxious, hurtful, emotional, loose-tongued, generally controlled by something other than themselves. It is never a pretty picture.

I hit my thirties and grew tired of being sole witness to people making fools and asses of themselves, so  I put my foot down. Enough. I knew when to stay home. If a certain constellation of drinkers were coming together, I exercised my right to stay away and not be part of the descent into the lower self. It's not fun.

Lately, I've been finding myself among drinkers again and though I find that the years have made me more patient and tolerant, the experience still leaves me full of questions.  Consciousness, clarity, a full sense of oneself, these are all hard-earned faculties. I know that for me they are. I will not give them away for a few hours of inebriation.

I've always been the outsider looking in, and all I can see are people who are wanting to leave themselves, looking for solace, escape, as if there were a way to escape oneself. There isn't.

There is something to be said about appreciating good wine and spirits, but not to the point of letting them take over you, of turning you into someone who would say things you would normally keep to yourself, and inflict on others what you would not be able to otherwise.

To be more fully human is to go with courage into yourself to face life's challenges head on, without needing to dull the soul with substances that would take you away -- not closer -- to everything life has to offer. There is one true way to honor your life and that is to live it in full and active participation.