This is my hallway. I moved to my (hopefully) forever house last Monday and am neck, no, brain deep in boxes and belongings and furniture and dust and memories and hopes and frustrations and disappointments and forced self-assurances. Today I am deciding to sit and write so that I can breathe. It has been non-stop chaos and craziness all week. I'm gaining weight (gasp!)from the stress and inability to cook my meals (too much fixing up to do, gas tank not yet connected and incredible junk from the past cluttering my little kitchen), so I am eating out a lot which means I am not eating the healthiest food. Hay buhay talaga. How to maintain equanimity? The spontaneous and gut-truthful answer right now is: EWAN. Everyday I struggle to be the change with contractors, suppliers, etc., who seem to want me to be unpleasant before they do the work they are supposed to do anyway. But everyday it is a struggle. It's difficult for an organized person to be in the midst of constant, unrelenting disorganized energy. I'm not picking up calls because I know that my anger will most likely flare up in ways I will regret, so I simply text back that I need to breathe and manufacture calmness. I struggle with my simple meditation exercises because most days, the seething wins. It's difficult to build a home when no one else feels the urgency with you--to get things right and get them done. Building and moving into a new home is like shedding your skin and growing a new sheath. If you don't have the tools to energize the process, you mostly feel like your dangling by a fraying sliver of thread with the full weight of the world teetering on your fractured shoulder. If only architects, contractors and anyone involved in building homes could put that into the equation, perhaps they would treat the process with a lot more care, concern and consistency. There should be no room for casual and unprofessional behavior. This life-changing event is already too painful as it is.
Friday, April 4, 2008
HAY BUHAY!!
This is my hallway. I moved to my (hopefully) forever house last Monday and am neck, no, brain deep in boxes and belongings and furniture and dust and memories and hopes and frustrations and disappointments and forced self-assurances. Today I am deciding to sit and write so that I can breathe. It has been non-stop chaos and craziness all week. I'm gaining weight (gasp!)from the stress and inability to cook my meals (too much fixing up to do, gas tank not yet connected and incredible junk from the past cluttering my little kitchen), so I am eating out a lot which means I am not eating the healthiest food. Hay buhay talaga. How to maintain equanimity? The spontaneous and gut-truthful answer right now is: EWAN. Everyday I struggle to be the change with contractors, suppliers, etc., who seem to want me to be unpleasant before they do the work they are supposed to do anyway. But everyday it is a struggle. It's difficult for an organized person to be in the midst of constant, unrelenting disorganized energy. I'm not picking up calls because I know that my anger will most likely flare up in ways I will regret, so I simply text back that I need to breathe and manufacture calmness. I struggle with my simple meditation exercises because most days, the seething wins. It's difficult to build a home when no one else feels the urgency with you--to get things right and get them done. Building and moving into a new home is like shedding your skin and growing a new sheath. If you don't have the tools to energize the process, you mostly feel like your dangling by a fraying sliver of thread with the full weight of the world teetering on your fractured shoulder. If only architects, contractors and anyone involved in building homes could put that into the equation, perhaps they would treat the process with a lot more care, concern and consistency. There should be no room for casual and unprofessional behavior. This life-changing event is already too painful as it is.
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