What a Mess!

I went through every page of my newspaper today when a column title jumped out, "Don't Make A Mess In Your Own Backyard". I don't normally read that columnist anyway, but today I did. He was referring to the sexual harassment case filed by a young woman against an executive of a television network. The columnist said he hoped the network would handle it well and then continued to say, "I'm not a saint, but I have utmost contempt for fellow machos who make their female subordinates the object of their excess sexual energy. Why do they make a mess in their own backyard? Why can't they go elsewhere, if they have problems with their wives? Ang dami-daming babae sa labas, sa sarili mo pang bakuran ka magkakalat!"(Note: italics his)

These statements exemplify the Pinoy Macho (FROM HELL) mentality. He assumes that when men betray their wives, it is because they have problems with them. I say, men who betray their wives have problems. Period. And more likely, it is the wife who is at the receiving end of it. The problem is deeply rooted in integrity -- the healthy integration of soul, mind, body and more, in one physical body.  If you have a problem with your wife, is the solution to sleep with someone else? Are problems with wives all sexual in nature? Sexual problems do not have their origins in sex. But that isn't even the point. The columnist was basically saying that it's perfectly okay for married men to sleep with other women as long as they don't do it in "your own backyard".  

Am I the only one whose innards are twisting in fury? This is the kind of fragmentation that seems to lie at the core of our problems.  Ok lang magnakaw, basta magdasal at magsimba. Ok lang magsinungaling sa tao kasi lahat naman ng ginagawa mo, sa palagay mo, ay para din sa kanila. Ok lang na tumakbo ka kahit sinabi mo nang hindi ka tatakbo, e ganoon naman talaga ang politika. Ok lang ba? Ok ka lang?

Not for me and not for many others awakening to what it means to be truly human in the world today.  This means a conscious effort at integration which, in effect, eases out lies and dissonance.   A fully integrated human being cannot lie.  He cannot say one thing and do another.  It is not okay to make a mess in anyone's backyard, especially when you are hurting others, regardless of what the situation is.  You want to be with someone else? Be man enough to face the consequences.  Be man enough to tell your wife. Is it worth all the pain she and your children will carry for all time? These are questions that must be asked and answered.  

Let's not delude ourselves into thinking that infidelity is perfectly acceptable within defined parameters.  That is such a weak cop out.  Though I realize that most Filipino men live this way today, it is our task now (for the sake of future generations) to say that it is not okay at all. We need to show it and live it.  It is not okay to knowingly betray other people, no matter what the excuse.  We are human, yes, and we fall, but after that we know exactly what we need to do. We cannot excuse our bad behavior any longer. As we can all see today, these "permissible zones" are exactly what bring a country and its people to their greatest despair.

Talk about making a mess in your own backyard.