I sometimes think I was born Filipino as a result of perennial tardiness in a past life. I am always on time and suffer at the hands of the constantly late. The few times I am late, I suffer through such anxiety because it makes me feel terrible. I cannot stand the thought of tiptoeing into a quiet room, making that noise doors always make when you open and shut them (which is always amplified when you’re late), or having people turn around and look at me because I’ve disrupted their concentration. I don’t like having friends or acquaintances waiting idly for me when they could be cuddling their kids. I would rather wait—-even if I’m inwardly fuming—-than be the one everybody’s waiting for. But since I am Filipino, I have learned to bring books and lately, even my laptop, to all appointments as I know that others think nothing of having people wait for them.
It’s not easy to be on time in this country, what with the traffic and the prevalent casual attitude towards punctuality, but it can be done. I do it all the time. I don’t think my children have ever been late for school because we sleep early so we can get up early and not have to hustle frantically against the current of morning stress. Not that our mornings are stress-free. Like every family, we are plagued with the usual social and logistical obstacles: I don’t want to eat that. Yes, but that’s what we’re eating today. I want to wear my green shirt. But it’s still in the wash. Can you wash it now? No, you’ll have to wear something else. You know how it goes. But arriving at our destination on time is never a problem because my children have imbibed our attitude towards time. Whatever else crops up, they know that if we don’t leave at 7:20, we run the risk of getting to school late and they don’t like that idea.
When I say “on time”, I mean with a few minutes to spare, so we can ease into a place and situation and be more than ready to engage in whatever awaits us. For children, especially, it is crucial that they start with the class on time. Otherwise, they feel insecure and left out of the space already created by those who have stepped into the morning in a healthy, unhurried pace.
My sons are big on punctuality and I take pride in that. I’m glad they know the value of time. I never want them to think that the world stops for them or that being late is no big deal. It is. Being late is inconsiderate. It assumes others have nothing better to do.
I used to heap praises on a self-awareness seminar I had to attend in the past. Then one day, one of the facilitators and I decided to get together. I had such respect and affection for her and was really looking forward to lunch. There I was, waiting alone in the restaurant, starving, and doing a mental review of instructions I had left for the children, when the first text arrived. She would be late. Twenty minutes later, still no lunch date, but texts were coming in now and again—of apology and assurance that lunch was on. I offered to postpone but no, she said she’d be there shortly. A little over an hour later, I decided her concept of time was simply off. It had nothing to do with the clock. I left with very little respect for the person I had so looked up to and none at all for the self-development program she was offering to corporations all over the country.
It would have been simpler, kinder, and more considerate to cancel than to keep saying she would be there soon when she knew she was already appallingly late. That way, I could have spent the time more productively. I could have given our table to someone else. I could have eaten with my children. I could have done anything but waste that hour waiting. I know that things happen, mostly when you’re in a mad rush, but I also know that if you plan your day well and stick to it, you will rarely ever be late. I also know that if you value your own time, you won’t be casual about someone else’s. Most of all, I now know I will no longer wait!
It is a spiritual practice to commit to showing up anywhere on time. It is a very simple but profound way of honoring each other and the activity you all agreed to be part of, whether it is a class, meeting, or any kind of appointment. It is an exercise of will. I admit it is not that easy here but we all already know how long it will take—with or without traffic, when it’s raining, when there is roadwork—to get to one point from the next. We take that and throw in a few more minutes just in case, and then simply work backwards. It can be done. Those of us who are always made to wait, should also put our foot down and start on time if we’re fortunate enough to be in control. If we say we start at 4pm, we do it. If we say we end at 6pm, we make it happen.
Show up on time. It’s the simplest way to show respect—for others and the work we are all trying to do in the world.
August 2006
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