A New World

During a conversation with my boys, the topic of marriage came up. My younger son said he might have ten wives when he grows up. At first I panicked and said something unenlightened like, "Well, it's better to have only one so we must choose well", which in hindsight was not the lesson I wanted to teach them. Plus it also intimated that their father and I didn't choose each other well, because we are no longer together. I should have thought of those things right then, but my old mental models kicked in; my brainwashed self simply panicked. What I really want them to learn is how to live authentically and have their life choices emanate from that space. Though the Catholic Church had its function in history, I feel it simply has not evolved with the world. This is not to say that immorality is the new order of the day. It isn't. I'm saying that the structure of our institutions must now be renewed from the inside--the same way morality must be an internal compass, not dogma dictated by archaic law that was necessary when it was born into the world, but is now no longer relevant. No, I don't think it is necessarily okay to have several spouses. But I don't think it's okay to label or generalize either and say more than one spouse is bad and one is good. I still think one is a magical number, but I also think that deeper issues are at play. Was the marriage authentic? Did both parties honor the covenant? These are the bigger questions that must be asked. I know of a lot of marriages that are unbroken from the outside but are a total mess of lies and deception within. Is that better for your children than each of their parents living out of the space of truth and integrity, even though they are apart? Our institutions must be renewed and we have to start thinking about the ways in which we have defined right and wrong. The substance of any marriage is what is most important. It is not tenure. I have friends who rail against the kind of marriage their parents had because even as children, they could see through the hypocrisy--the father keeping mistresses, the mother turning a blind eye but sowing resentment and bitterness for decades. It was so toxic and painful for them. Separation is also painful and it is a deep and painful gash I will always carry for my children, but if both parties are coming from a space of wanting to live authentically and can no longer do so in the context of marriage, then the children are blessed with a way of life and love that is aligned with Truth, despite the outward picture of "brokenness". I don't see my family today as broken. We do not all live in the same house, but we are living out of a consciousness of love and respect still--on a level that was not possible before.  It is not how many husbands or wives you ended up having but how truthful and honest you were in the union. You can still be in a marriage but bring a deeper,  darker brand of separation into your family--in the realm of each member's soul life--if you are not living with integrity. That is infinitely more damaging to the children. They learn to accept that living a lie is ok. They learn that deceit, anger, bitterness and betrayal are par for the course. A new world awaits and it has to do with a new consciousness that is aligned with truth, integrity and love. It is no longer defined by dead concepts, unexamined rules and dogma. May we all journey together on its rich and textured path.