On a roll...

I was in my favorite room (that would be laundry) when another insight hit.  There is nothing like new shelving to get me going. I was thinking about the Pinoy penchant for waiting for "authority" to furnish us with their opinions before we form our own, or simply decide which way we will sway. Why are we always waiting to hear what the bishops have to say, or even finally be outraged only when Jun Lozada decided to tell the truth? There are many reasons, a big one being that Pinoys have been so traumatized by being betrayed over and over again by authority that we're like battered wives, knowing we need to stand on our own but needing to be told by the fist that we can't. I suddenly saw a clear connection between media and our children, and the kind of thinkers they will be if they're perenially in front of the tube or in the malls. Again, we are feeding them stimulus from outside, so as they grow older they will become more and more reliant on externals. But if we allow them today to be in nature, as much as possible, as natural as can be, then all kinds of movement will happen to them not just in the realm of the soul, but in their thinking and creating as well.  They will be fortified and inspired to do things from within because they are not constantly bombarded by electronic images, noise, billboards--worldviews that are abstract, cold, hard and conceptual. They are not drowning in information they don't need. If they are in nature, they learn to go with very subtle but deep rhythms that are health-giving and profoundly inspiring. In malls and in front of the television or any form of media, they get a very materialistic experience of the world. If that's all they see, how can we expect them to grow up strong, alive and vibrant from within? If we let our children play and live in nature they will grow up healthy and independent in their thinking and strong in their will. They will form their own thoughts and opinions without having to wait for direction from anyone. Nope. Not even the bishops. Just another thought from the laundry room.

Happy wherever they are

When I moved out of our old house, I was worried my children would miss it. I was worried they would miss the big, gorgeous saltwater pool we had that was all theirs, everyday, whenever they wanted it. I thought I would build a pool in our new house as well, but I found out what it would cost (not factoring in maintenance costs through the years). I decided it was not something I could do anymore. I worried they would feel bad about that. But all my worries and fears were unfounded. See them? All it took was this inflatable slide and a garden hose. There was no mention of missing the pool. Nothing. Our children are so easy to please. It's our adult conditioning that gets in the way. I should have known. When I turned 40, I took them to a beach in Laiya. I was worried because they are used to having kayaks on every trip, flying everywhere, having a yacht at hand and here we were at a beach that was less than white and far from private. They loved it. They would run to watch the fishermen bring in their catch and stand with them in commiseration at the sight of empty nets. I would often see my little one sitting quietly on his little flip-flops (to keep his bottom from burning on the hot sand), looking out into the great expanse of ocean and sky. My older son was just everywhere at once. Exploring. They even thought the soup, which was so obviously made from a powdered mix, was pretty good. They make me so proud. Why was I so worried they would miss such luxuries? They had me and will always have me. We forget how children always know what is more important and that being with their parents and the people they love, anywhere in the world, is all it takes. There will be no questions or longing for other things. All they need is already there.

LET THEM PLAY

My children study in a Waldorf/Steiner school. This is the only school they know. This is a school that doesn't advocate television and computers for children at least until the age of 12 when cognitive thinking and the capacity for more abstract thinking begin to surface. Before that, children are encouraged to play. What you are seeing in the photo is a ship. My son, Santiago, built it when he was about 5 or 6 years old. I let my children do what they will with the furniture. The only rule is to put everything back when they are done. This is imagination at work. He used pieces of cloth, clothespins, cushions, a stepstool and a small wooden ladder. He spent a good many hours creating and playing in his little ship. Santiago didn't watch any television until he was 9 years old. I wanted to wait until he was 12 but his father said one movie on his 9th birthday wouldn't harm him. Because it was just the one film, it lived with him for so long. He was singing the songs for weeks on end. It was the sweetest thing. He didn't see another film until a year later. Mary Poppins, I think it was. Some people have implied that I deprive them, but look at the beautiful ship in the photo and the work that went into it. There is no trace of deprivation there. Our world has become so challenging; their world will be even more complex. They will need to face these challenges with their most creative selves. That is the first thing television and media kill. First of all, you can be sure you are watching someone else's world view--someone's take on love or hate, for example. If you are not yet of the age where you can discern, you simply take in, take in, take in. If you do this several hours a day, everyday, those places in you that ought to grow and develop over time simply stagnate--the biggest of them is your imagination. I want my children to grow up equipped to face everything. If we feed them with images and concepts from the outside rather than have them develop from within--from themselves--they will have very little to draw from when the world, in all its complexity, begins to close in. But if we encourage them to play, create and imagine, these capacities will remain intact, grow into fullness, and arm them to create appropriate, out-of-the-box solutions to the most complicated problems later in life. Turn off the television, unplug the computers and let your children play! Let them run and climb, turn your chairs upside down and allow them to see what our jaded eyes no longer see.  Let them see a ship where we only see furniture. Let them. A child who is able to see everything will never lose hope because he will always see a window and a field beyond, where everyone else will see a crumbling wall. Play is the greatest gift we can give a child. A child who truly plays is the greatest gift to the world.

Nature around us

See those two little boys? They're my boys. This is a photo I took from the balcony of the rental I just moved out of. I took it a year ago. The lake was just a hop and a skip away from our house then.  We moved from congested Quezon City to Silang, Cavite because my boys were always sick in our former house and I felt that I had given them all the help I could in terms of therapies and nutrition. Somehow I sensed we needed to be supported by our environment, too. I was right (hay salamat minsan nakakatama din!). My boys have blossomed since. Though they still have asthma attacks (I was hoping that would disappear), they are both stronger and fuller. I was just showing my older boy's photo to his teacher and we couldn't believe how thin and gaunt he was before we left the city.  Here, we are surrounded by trees, crickets, frogs, all kinds of insects, clean air and life, life life!!! It takes them no more than 20 minutes of traffic-free travel to get to school. Now my Santiago has gained weight, is happier, less introverted and is always leaving his shoes behind!  He loves to walk on grass, soil and stones. Just the other day, my boys planned to have a picnic under the shade of a tree they just discovered they could climb. Each brought an oatmeal chocolate chip cookie baked by their Tita Joy. These are the simple joys of childhood that mean so much. They don't need toys, TV or computers. A home made cookie each, under a tree. That's what made their day. I really think that our children need to live away from the city.  I'm still in a village, not exactly in the middle of nowhere, so it's not even as perfect as growing up on a farm, but already the change has made such an impact on the health and well-being of my children. I am so grateful for the chance to move away, start anew and restore their health. Nature is such a perfect healer and I know that just by growing up in the midst of it, my children will be great protectors of her gifts. 

Goodbye Sunday Life

I just said goodbye to The Philippine Star. After years of writing there, I felt the time had come. I'm sad in many ways, but also felt the dissonance between the work I do, the way I live, and my last experience with the paper. I was censored for reasons I simply could not swallow. Anyway, I was a thorn on their side and for many years I have felt like the paper and I were not a good match, but I am grateful that I had that experience. So, this blog is where I can be read today. I also write for Town & Country occasionally. I have learned that every parting leads to new beginnings and this particular unknown is quite exciting to me. Here's to endless possibilities!

SEX

A few nights ago, the topic of sex came up when friends started kidding each other about exclusivity versus promiscuity. I have learned from Christian Community priests and some other readings on partnership and sexuality that when two people come together sexually, an exchange and enmeshing of our "life bodies" (chi) occur, which explains why attachments are quickly formed even if, in some cases, one feels the encounter was fleeting or ought not to be repeated. This also explains AIDS, to a certain degree. When one has multiple partners, the life force is almost torn to shreds because it has been repeatedly enmeshed with others, leaving very little healthy substance in it to sustain the physical body. The physical body is then weakened to a level where it becomes very susceptible to illness. These are just broad strokes towards a deeper understanding of sexuality that I feel is a totally overlooked and rarely understood topic. If this reality were explained to us, I think we would all have a healthier attitude towards sex.  Telling the population that sex before marriage is prohibited and promiscuity a sin makes it all the more enticing because it shrouds the whole thing in medieval mystery and who doesn't love that?(Besides, what is sin? But let's save that for later)But if you explain what promiscuity does to your life force and general health, well, that changes the picture profoundly: Why would I want to share my life forces with a total stranger? I've been told that disentangling on this level takes anywhere from 5 to 7 years, so can you imagine what the life body of a person with multiple, multiple, multiple partners must look like? So it is true that if you sleep with one person, you're sleeping with everyone they've ever slept with. Whew.  Or, ick. The life body, forces, energy of people are then enmeshed and imprinted on each other like indelible ink that takes years and years to erase. Why would you want to give that precious energy away to someone (or worse, many someones) you don't even know or trust or, worse, dislike? Our sexual energy is also our most spiritual energy, and I think people who have a lot of it are probably most spiritual and creative, but those who use this energy inappropriately have also probably not found their true task in life and so the energy is exploding elsewhere. When two people are caught in a web of lust and extreme chemical attraction, what is really at the heart of this attraction?  Is it just lust for lust's sake, or is it a burning spiritual question that may lead to one's life task, or work that must be done together in the greater service of the world? Sexual energy is spiritual energy expressed in our physicality, which is why it is so often spoken and written about in the light of sin and morality. Sex itself ought to be a conscious, spiritual connection, which is why it is so difficult to come to terms with it on all levels and why men and women often stumble on its path. Sex for women is about taking in, while for men it is about release. I believe this is why men need it so often. To them it is pure release. For women it is literally and spiritually, taking someone else into our bodies, souls, lives, and so it is not so easy. The joke about wives always having headaches is not that big a joke after all. If you are a wife and mother, you are almost always full to the brim and so you need to consciously make space to be able to receive and receive and receive and have that be an experience that is fulfilling to you--not enervating and emptying.  How many of us know how to do this? How many of us know how to prepare internally for the physical union--to give it proper space and form, heart and substance? These are just thoughts to ponder. Don't take my word for it.

MOI?

Somewhere in the comments section of this blog, someone suggested I write about my life ala "Sex and the City" and I had to laugh. Still laughing. My life is more like "mom in the suburbs". Make that "crazy mom in the suburbs". I don't even wear heels any more or tight clothing. I live in my birks and all kinds of flats. I'm in my t-shirts and jeans or workout clothes, though I haven't actually worked out in over a month. I remember feeling grumpy years ago, after word got to me that a woman in my community said I don't take care of my looks anymore. Sigh. I had to remind the messenger that someone's image of me was clearly not about who I really am today. The days of make-up and heels were long gone. I'm not the type to get all dolled up to bring my kids to and from school. I am someone else today. Glamour is not for me. Not so long ago, someone from an ad agency sent an email asking if I would consider doing an ad for an anti-aging product. I'm not laughing about that anymore, but I did. I believe in aging. I embrace it. Though, like everyone else, I find myself resisting change and lament the sprouting of added flesh and jiggle, I know that to go against aging is to go against nature. I can't do that. I would love to be able to exercise more, but the reality is I am tired most days and I have learned to listen to my body rather than impose on it. My partner thinks my jiggles are all woman. My kids love me, too, and make sure they add a squeeze or three, each time they tell me. So, "Sex and the City" it isn't, but my life has become so much more: balanced, inwardly rich, and infinitely more true.

Oh, and notice what the poster says after "Coming Soon"? "Only in Theaters". Ponder that.