PINOY!!!!

I've never been attached to labels. Why spend megabucks (enough to send kids to school, feed multiple families, or do other much needed,  life-giving work in the world) for anything that has someone else's name or trademark on it? I couldn't live with myself.  I guess my weaknesses lie elsewhere.  But for innovations like these, I do my share and spread the word. 

Say hi to the "Maria" collection--so proudly Pinoy. I own a Sili Labuyo, which I will be collecting soon, courtesy of my sister, Tam, who conceptualized and designed the bags! Brilliant! I know, nepotism and all that, but really it's a great product and I would have featured it here even if the genius behind it didn't share my blood. Just so happens we do.

There are other designs as well but for some reason I'm unable to post all of them at this time. This is merely the first blush.  As we speak, other products in the line are on the way.  For now, make sure you get yourself a bag that says something!  Why say LV (all over the bag!)when you can say something more interesting like Kalachuchi, Dalandan or Suha?? (Yup, the line has those, too). Check them out at the Global Pinoy Bazaar on Cuenca St., Ayala Alabang Village on October 18 & 19, the Urban Bazaar at the Rockwell tent on October 24 & 25 and at the Assumption Bazaar at the Intercon on November 23.  You can also email your orders to tamilabags@gmail.com.

AGING IS LIFE!

I was recently interviewed about aging in the October issue of Marie Claire. I declined at first because they said it was about defying age and I don't do that; I embrace it. I thought I would be left alone after that, but it turns out they wanted that perspective, too. It was just going to be a sidebar so the interview was edited.  I print it here in full:

Was there ever a time in your life when you became anxious about getting old?  If yes, how old were you when you started to feel that anxiety, and exactly what was it about getting old that had you worried?

No. The closest I would get to this kind of anxiety was related to my life's task: What if I never figure out what my life is about? What if I do not fulfill my task? Any anxiety I have now about the future has more to do with my security, or raising my children the right way, but I have never felt anxious about getting old. I am more worried about becoming irrelevant.

Why did you choose to let nature take its course instead of using products and treatments to fight the effects of aging on physical appearance?  Why do you think the natural way is the better way?

Because I believe in working on myself from the inside out and I also believe in honoring the physical body/face I was born with. That comes from nature, from God. I don't think it's meant to be fought. It's not like I'm not taking care of myself. I do,but I use organic and biodynamic products, body oils, etc.I have a cleansing and moisturizing routine, but I do this all for well-being rather than vanity and I definitely do not do it to "fight" aging. Our outer appearance has everything to do with our inner condition--what we eat (organic or not, the general quality of our food), the thoughts we think, the way we handle emotions, whether we live with joy or bitterness, how we move, how well we care for ourselves in general--and I think that is the more meaningful approach to life. If you work on being healthy in thought, word and deed, your physical body will follow. When people say I look younger than my age I figure they must be seeing something else because physically, it is clear to me that I have aged. It all boils down to what you think your life is about and how you choose to live your life in the world.  I choose to live in harmony with nature; anything that is not natural is costing the earth and those of us who live in it.

How did you develop this transcendent mindset that allowed you to wholeheartedly embrace the process of aging, and all the lines and wrinkles that come with it?  What do you tell yourself that maybe other women can also put in their own minds so they will be more at peace with getting older?

It's about asking the right questions about your life, I suppose. If one is terrified about aging, why?  If one has the need to look outwardly young, why?  Perhaps there was something one needed to go through in their youth but didn't, and there might be an inner yearning that, because it is unexamined, is manifesting itself in a different way? What needs to be healed -- made whole again--in your life, so that you can move forward and not cling to an ideal that is no longer you or for you? Aging is a wonderful thing if you have lived your life fully at every stage. I certainly do not want to go back to the pain and angst--though necessary--of the thirties, even if I was physically in better shape and was closer to that elusive ideal of society. That had to be. Today I'm noticing that though my looks are definitely changing and I definitely do not have as much energy as before, my thighs have that extra jiggle (which my boys love!!), and I'm seeing some white hair, something inside me and also in my thinking is opening up and awakening.  Sometimes I feel like my brain is actually changing because I am beginning to think differently and I am starting to have a relationship with the world that was not possible before and this necessitates a certain softening of the body. This means change in my whole being. I think it is exciting! Of course there are days when I look at my body and think I should exercise more, but it doesn't rule my life. I love what is happening to me on a different level. It is a welcoming of the passage of time and all the wonderful gifts they bring. I love seeing people who are aging gracefully. I've seen so many beautiful old people and I marvel at the many stories of life, pain, love and joy that are expressed in their physicality. Why edit that? To me, life is a conscious striving and moving forward--a journey towards the future--not the past. The task is too meet that with grace. Isn't that what it means to be human?

(photo of Ifugao woman by Dale Diaz)

ABUNDANCE NOT SCARCITY

That's what I remind myself almost daily.  I have to consciously leap from one perspective to the next (latter to former, of course, thanks to a lifetime of programming). Most of us live from the point-of-view of scarcity, of not having enough or being enough, always being short, substandard, seeing what's wrong and never what's working-- and that creates a ripple of energy that boomerangs right back at us, thereby fulfilling the prophecy.

The world is in an economic crisis now;  all we see is lack or impending lack.  We're seeing difficult times, lean times, cutting back, scrimping, saving, sacrificing, denying ourselves, doing without, doing with much less. What we see is doom and fear. But is this inevitable? 

This economic crisis is a tremendous opportunity for the world to shift at last. We are a world of uber-consumers. We keep changing, adding, multiplying, accruing, accumulating, consuming, upgrading, buying, buying, buying.  This is our opportunity to look at what we really have and surprise ourselves as we change the lens from "scarce" to "enough" and, perhaps, even more than enough.

I struggle with this everyday.  I grew up in an environment of "not enough", though I don't remember ever going hungry.  We always had what we needed. We did okay, though there is this buzz I inherited from who-knows-where, that made me view the world through the lens of scarcity. I got a sound education (though not Ivy League which, in hindsight, feels like a blessing)and certainly was given enough to make something of myself after, if not in the realm of mainstream success then in other, more personally relevant ways.  Yet I'm having to undo this feeling of scarcity that seems to have been ingrained in me.  I work on it because I don't want my children to inherit it. You can have everything material you could possibly need or want, but if you come from a place of seeing only scarcity, you will feel just that.  I don't want that for them.

I've stopped looking at money--or everything it can buy--to survey my life.  It's not how much money I have in the bank anymore but my ability to meet my family's needs that is the better measure.  Am I able to fulfill my needs and theirs when necessary?  So far, yes!  There have been months that were tight but always, always, something comes up to cover just what I need. And that to me is abundance! It has nothing to do with what I have but my ability to make the most of it when I need it.  It's also because I see that I am able to fulfill so many needs that have nothing to do with material wealth, but inner resources. It's almost miraculous.

I find that when I am engaged in the sharing of my inmost self, I am better able to feel and see abundance in my life. But when I am thinking and moving out of an inner space that is not generous in nature (and I'm not necessarily talking material wealth here), then I feel helpless and afraid of the future and all that brings.  Scarcity is often a fear that is connected to the future, not the past, that's why it's paralyzing.  Abundance is now!  And if we stop and survey our lives, I'm sure that we have more reason to feel abundance than scarcity.  

I just need to look at my garden and the clear blue sky above, inhale the fresh air that envelops me daily and I know it!  I see my children savoring whatever simple meal I managed to whip up for them and it is there again. This doesn't mean my fears are gone forever. They are not. I still hope for a lot of things in my life to fall into place and there's still that nagging thought..."when I....then I will truly feel abundant....", but since I've tried to make the feeling of abundance a regular and conscious practice, I find that I am able to trust the unknown more and see, with clear eyes, everything that I truly have today. And if I view my life from that window of clarity, I see a lot.  When I view it from the view of fear and projected need, I see scarcity.

So many people envied my life before.  Someone even said my story was like a fairy tale. But it wasn't.  I have so much less materially today but my life is so much truer and fuller, in every sense of the word, and all that has to do with the quality of faith I put in my inner life and a powerful commitment towards integration, rather than my external circumstances. These are the tools I hang on to and they are the ones that have brought me true feelings of abundance. They allow me to take the long and wide view.

I know women who look longingly at designer bags and shoes, watches, jewelry, cars, vacations--each one a peg towards fulfillment and I just know how very disappointed and empty they will feel at each turn.  They may end up with closets full of these things but abundance still won't be there.  It is somewhere else entirely.  I've seen women parading in town already adorned with all these trappings, but I've also seen how they stare forlornly into space. I know people who are crazy wealthy but use their wealth to hurt others in subtle but vicious ways and I know that there is a big crater of a void in them where true and living abundance ought to be. 

We don't have to be wealthy to live in abundance; we only have to be able to see and appreciate everything we've already been given and trust that we have what it takes to have our true needs met.  All we need to do today is change the lens from which we view life.  And then allow ourselves to be amazed and grateful for everything that is already there.

SOCIAL HYGIENE

What is it? To me, it is keeping social spaces clear of unwarranted clutter. And this begins with keeping conversations and correspondence private.  Unless the exchange happens in an e-group or is spoken aloud within a group, one must assume that any information traded is private. That is social hygiene.  Once you start passing information along that was not meant for others, you begin to clutter space, create conflict and ill will.

Especially today where information can be passed along so quickly, we must learn to create firmer boundaries.  As recipients and bearers of information, we must be quick about assessing ourselves in relation to the information we find ourselves privy to.

I have to remind myself about this constantly because it is so easy to get sucked into the vortex of information-sharing when you assume certain boundaries are present.  So you lay your thoughts and feelings wide open only to find out that the only boundaries present were yours. Your information was passed along without the benefit of your context. Already, a different story is born, shrouded in the context and emotions of its new and self-appointed bearer. And that is how cracks begin in relationships.  To me, such experiences are lessons in trust and I learn them quickly. We all should.

If something of consequence emerges in a conversation or through correspondence and you feel others would benefit from it, the best thing to do is ask permission from the source.  Is it okay to forward the email?  Is it okay to relay the message? Is it okay to repeat the story outside of this circle?  It is such a simple gesture, really, but one that shows great respect for the thoughts and feelings of others. It is hygienic!  It doesn't create conflict but rather opens the windows for light to shine through.  What a difference that makes. It is straightforward, clear, and in no way creates false perceptions about people and events, simply because you honored the source.

We are all guilty of this.  When we feel friendships have deepened and important experiences shared, we open up and begin to trade information casually, assuming that everyone will respect what is being said.  There are people in my circle I trust and have trusted for decades and they have not disappointed.  So I relax and assume that most people share the same sensibilities. It isn't so. In this day of information craziness, we have to be much more careful and stricter with our personal boundaries.  Practicing social hygiene is a show of respect we must all strive for.  The health and survival of our communities depend on it.

The Tree

Many years ago when my firstborn was barely walking, I carried the beginnings of an inner turbulence. There was a heaviness in me that would not sink.

One morning, very much aware of the growing heaviness in me, I found myself flying low over Metro Manila.  Right below me was a wide expanse of fiery red-orange blossoms of this--the African Tulip Tree.  I was admiring the strength and boldness of this tree and the magnificence of the view--row upon row of bright orange blooms jutting out of the vast green. It was doing something inside me that was confusing at the time. But there was crazy motion around my heart and solar plexus.  At that moment I very distinctly heard the phrase, "Find your voice."  The message was audible. It was in me and yet unspoken by me and it was clear as day.

Years later, in what feels like a new life carved out of the old, I find myself steward of such a tree.  It is the one major tree my lot came with and I only realized what it was when it started to bloom for me.  The tree sits squarely in the center of my view from the bedroom--something I could not have planned, but there it is.

Almost a week ago, my children were somewhere in it and my youngest fell from one of its branches. That moment was one of those heart-in-your-throat motherhood moments. Everything was in slow motion.  But save for the shock, my little boy was fine.  It is now his tree, too.  It was after that incident that I began piecing together the significance of this tree in my life.

For the first time in my biography, I feel that I am finding my voice.  It is not complete and not always heard, but I feel that it is already gaining resonance.  I look back on that moment I heard the message and know that it was grace. From there the journey was painful, nearly unbearable, but today looking at this tree across my bedroom, I see how very necessary everything was and how important it is to take heed and listen to the very depths of our being and be open to the images around us always.  If we are awake to it, we will find that the world constantly speaks to us.

The African Tulip Tree is my daily reminder that I am constantly held in grace if I would only be still and accept it.

CHANGE

So many of us were touched by the sight of Barack Obama addressing a crowd of 84,000.  He was accepting the Democratic nomination for the presidency.  It was an awesome sight: 84,000 people passionate for CHANGE.  Wouldn’t that be something to see here?

For once I was envious of the American people—to have the possibility of a leader who was inspiring them to tears—aaahhhh, I want that so badly I can taste it!!  And then, for Obama as a candidate, to have 84,000 people who care enough to show up and listen to him, show their support and desire for true change.  That must be something. 

It made me green with envy to hear him tackling issues and outlining his solutions and to realize how far behind we are because we’re not even at a point where we can talk about these things.  We’re in the space of possibility and clawing our way forward, trying to awaken people still from their cynicism and apathy.  In America, people care and they stand up to be heard and they fight for what they think is right.

In our country the terrain is quite different. I still stumble across people who wear their apathy with pride. “I am apathetic,” they announce, as if that were a badge of intellect or breeding, and then in the same breath say that they are Christian. Am I the only one who sees the glaring dissonance in that picture?  Christ, himself, cared and brought change. He died for it.  It pains me daily to see how people can live so contentedly in that dissonance.

Since I began this journey towards truth and integrity, I have seriously started falling away from friends, not because we’ve fought but perhaps because they feel I am not who I used to be.  I can almost feel them flinch when they open their mailboxes and see a message from me, afraid of what I may be asking them to do.  And they are right. I care.  It is in my blood. And I am doing my best to make a difference. Though I wish we could all take that road together, we haven’t. But I cannot turn back.  I cannot put the eye mask on and feign darkness when the light outside is glaringly bright.  Once you are awake, you simply cannot go back to sleep and I have had my heart broken thinking that people I know and love will naturally see how important it is for all of us to live the truth—and all that means.  Living the truth isn’t just about truth-telling but moving consciously towards oneness with Divine Will in everything we do.

No, it is not an easy path and I don’t claim to be the expert.  Like everyone else, I am a student on this path. In my zeal to be the change I want to see in the world, I have risked and lost friendships, because I could not be the same person.  But I have come to that point in my biography where I make a stand everyday and so I see these changes as necessary deaths.  I can no longer sit and let things be.  When I see dissonance and see how it can potentially hurt everyone around it, I speak up.  At least I say my piece and then leave people free to act upon it or ignore me. But my days of standing nowhere are over.

During our PAGASA workshops, this sentiment always comes up: “I want to see change in this country, maybe not in my lifetime but….” And I cannot but counter it with my own burning desire to see it in my lifetime.  I insist on it.  In the course of several exchanges another phrase comes up: “In my own little way….” And it grates.  We all need to stand in confidence as human beings that we are made in the image and likeness of God and fly with that.  No, this is not Messianic, not if we understand it fully.  In our very nature is our capacity to birth great things – things that transform the world.  But if we limit ourselves already in our thinking that our ways are little, then that is what they will be.  Our thoughts do create our realities.  You cannot say you are Christian and then in the same breath make yourself so small and powerless in your own eyes, for I am sure that is not how you were created.  That is not in His image or likeness. 

CHANGE, the kind the American people are birthing, is in our hands. All we need to do is accept the challenge in full consciousness and commitment, despite the hardship it will bring because change necessitates death—of our old beliefs, friendships, relationships, habits.  Only through death can new life enter and that is what our country needs—Filipinos who are willing to die – not physically anymore –but inside them and in the most difficult and hard to reach places, so that new impulses of true change can emerge. 

The days of deluding ourselves into believing that there are necessary evils toward the place of ultimate good are long gone.  No, you are not doing a good deed if you decide to have a fixer process your papers because you figure she’s probably a mother and could use the money.  No, you are not providing livelihood at least, even if you know that your business is illegal or detrimental to the health of humanity and the world.  You are not being a paragon of integrity if you know that what you are bringing into society is not good for it!  It is time to act on the things you know deep in your very being are true. The beginning of authentic change starts right at the point where you say, “No more excuses” and take the road that has long been waiting for the blessing of your determined footprints.  It is not the high road.  It is simply the one that will bring you to your highest space—the space you were born to claim. It is time.

Change does not happen automatically.  Humanity moves to create it.  America is at a turning point in its history—checkered, imperfect, materialistic, dissonant as it is—because its people have an opinion and take a stand despite their differences.  They demand things of their leaders. They insist on being heard.  They will not be made weak and they refuse to be unheard. 

We can get there, too, once we realize that it is in our hands.  A person is not more powerful because he has more money or holds office in government.  True power lies in an authentic ability to be the change we want to see, no matter our station in life.  We hold that change in us, but now we have to buckle down and get to work, clean out the cobwebs of our minds and activate our sleeping limbs towards action.  Every act we put out there towards change is vital.  No one is little.  We will see it in our lifetime if we want to, if we choose to.  We can stand before an inspiring leader of moral integrity if we make space in our hearts and in society for one to step up. We can only do that if we become the change.  We need to become it and live it, then we can demand it and create a strong support base for effective, moral leaders to take their place at last.

In our lifetime we are constantly and repeatedly called to act on something that we know in our hearts to be vital, not just for us, but towards something greater than us, but we often ignore that call because it means giving up so much and entering a largely unknown terrain.  It is terrifying.  But not going there time after time also creates a world of darkness and we must realize that each time we ignore that call, we are laying one more dense brick on that muddy structure, thereby allowing more fear and horror to blossom in the world.

Change will come wholesale if individuals stand up and take their rightful place in it. There are workshops about inner change, self-help books galore, therapies, life coaches, all kinds of modalities you can imagine, but none of that will do anything if the individual has not made the stand to take up everything he has learned and move from the realm of ideas to the realm of vision in action.  We lament that this or that workshop didn’t work or wasn’t effective enough, but we hardly ask ourselves if we even made an effort to use what we learned in the world and made it our own—something relevant, living, vibrant and transformative.  No one can create change for you.  Only you can do it.  Only you will have the strength to make it work.  Only you can wake up from the inner laziness and fear that keeps you from marching forward and claiming the country you want and deserve.

CHANGE is in your hands.  Imagine the possibilities.  The time for lamenting what could be is gone.  The time for living so comfortably in constant defeat is done. Our time is the time of CREATING change.  Are we going to rise to that call at last or continue shedding tears at the sight of Obama and the awesome show of commitment to change the American people are showing the world?

The days of wearing your apathy with pride are over.  We don’t have to agree on everything and unite on one generic image of nationhood.  But we can agree to birth a Philippines of moral integrity and be that very change we will see in our lifetime.  If we enliven the power that is already in us and stop saying, “in my own little way” or “probably not in this lifetime”, we can.

Change is ours to create.  It is ours.

KNOWLEDGE

I pledge never to turn my back on it.  There are many people I've come to admire through my PAGASA work because they are no longer young, are quite accomplished, but who come to us not just impart wisdom, but truly listen to what everyone has to say with openness, respect, even awe and gratitude. We've met PhDs who come because they want to learn more, not because they think they are the sole bearers of knowledge.  What a contrast to people who've spent so many years in school but can't seem to hold their lives together because their education, instead of setting them freer in the world, has trapped them in outdated concepts and ideas of what it means to be human--if they even took that up.

I want to grow old always seeking--and never thinking that I don't need to know more or worse, that I know it all.Horrors. I want to grow more open in my old age and more willing to listen to others and still be excited about learning something new, no matter what I've been through, seen and heard in my lifetime.

It's healthy to strive to keep learning, the older we get.There is nothing more admirable than seeing someone age so beautifully and so well, not fighting time with bad behavior and terrible fashion choices, but riding its passage with grace and an ever-widening openness to what the changing world has to offer. I would hate to grow old and so set in my ways that nothing new could move me. I want to be able to excitedly shout, HEY!, to a great new idea fluttering into my still changing brain from someone young and still coming into being.  I want to be constantly excited about what the next generations bring without ever feeling regret or envy or the need to look like that again. I don't want to be irrelevant, please God, not that.  I want to have the energy to know more each day and the mental agility to move into something new with grace and confidence.

Learning requires openness, humility, grace, determination, discipline,  an ability to awaken oneself, receptivity and a nose that isn't sniffing invisible competition somewhere in the ether. May we all take that hunger into our twilight years, constantly challenging ourselves to take in and give, take in and give, until at last, our time is up.