What's On Your Tree?

I used to have shiny trees that were all decked out with strings and strings of electric lights, shiny balls, spirals,  ribbons, everything!  But after I found Waldorf/Steiner Education and Anthroposohy, all this faded away. Today my tree is much simpler and everything on it means something.

This ball was lovingly hand-painted by a dear friend, Joy, for the boys.

It has their name, the year she gave it and some lovely boughs.

This catches the light beautifully. From my lovely friend,
Denise. 2 little baby balls and 1 mama ball.

Some of them I made.

This my child made.

This little guy was made by Joy as well.

Along with this little fellow.

And this cutie is also by my son.

     These are photo ornaments of my sons, from their first Christmas to the
    present. On the left are handmade ornaments from friends and one ornament
that accompanied an I Can Serve Christmas card many years ago.

These are some of the special ornaments we always have on our tree. Each one has a story behind it and is loved and cherished by us.  On Christmas Eve I will put the final touches of 30 red roses and 3 white, and the 33 candles which will glow for me and my boys on Christmas morning. Our tree is a story of the life we continue to make together. What's yours like?

True Wealth: An Inner Perspective

                                            "Tree of Life" by Gustav Klimt

In my life and work, I have had many encounters with people from all walks of life and I have learned that wealth has nothing to do with how much money you have. Absolutely nothing.

There are those who swim in money but wield it in unscrupulous ways so that it ceases to be economic currency and morphs, instead, into a weapon of mass destruction, chosen especially to perpetuate power struggles.  But there are also individuals who don’t have much, yet manage to create living worlds out of what they have.  Money is just money but the spectrum of our attitudes toward it simply amaze and, too often, horrify. There is the student who will join a group for a meal at a restaurant, make a side trip to the ATM, and then order whatever her budget allows. Then there is the working gentleman who will not order anything, eat off other people and then take their leftovers home.  There are those who would use what they have to hoard objects that define their status in society and indulge in the frequent and public display of it, preferably with lots of press mileage, and others who quietly give what they have towards non-material endeavors.  In all my years, I have finally learned that true wealth is not how much you have but how you stand before it.

If one can stand objectively before material abundance and not become swayed nor controlled by it, gripped by fear and anxiety over the possibility of loss, choked with apprehension, inflated with false power, overtaken by visions of yachts, bling-blahngs, Blahniks, Choos and other trite symbols of money, nor be inexplicably driven to accumulate anything—if one can stand before a truckload of gold and still remain who he is at heart, then I would say that person has in him all he needs in the world. And that is a picture of wealth.

Today our wants have far eclipsed our needs; there is a continent between them.  And there, in the midst of it, is the big white elephant in the living room--money--that is so deeply and unconsciously connected with our emotional life.  Our attitude towards money goes as far back as our childhood and the way our parents dealt with their financial woes and joys, how they gave and received, withheld or shared. Before we come into money, we first inherit our attitude towards it, which determines how we spend and use it for the rest of our lives.  Part of coming into adulthood is to wade through this mess and recreate who we are in relation to money and all it brings, and make conscious patterns and attitudes that have been formed from the outside.

Our challenge in these times is to know when what we have is enough, to discern want from need, and to temper the needs that seem to keep sprouting new needs.  We have to stop the cycle of compulsive consumption, get off that train and behave more responsibly about what we have been given.  We have developed a tendency to use charity as a salve to mask the gaping hole of our diminishing conscience.   We put out here and there, sometimes in big, fabulous, public strokes, to make up for the material indulgences in our own lives.  This gives us a sense of balance and somehow justifies our excesses. But that’s a game.  For as long as we are not creating balance between what we need and what we have in our personal lives, what we have owns us. True wealth shouldn’t leave you shackled.  It shouldn’t separate you from the rest of the real world.  In a perfect world, wealth would simplify lives. Living with what you need and sharing what you don’t is a healthy way to exist and co-exist. 

Money buys you pairs and pairs of shoes, each costing what a family in this country takes months—even years to earn.  It manifests itself around your wrist, drops from your ears, drapes your neck, hangs beautifully from your self-cleaning windows, cushions your bare feet, shuttles you from one pristine island to the next and cradles your now-fragile aristocratic back at the end of your adventures. And there it stops.  It’s about you.

Wealth gives you the sense, strength, will and heart to put this money behind something you want to see happen in your community instead, something you truly believe in, something that doesn’t have to bear your name on it—no plaques, no glory.  You simply look at the bounty, take your share, and then let the rest do its work in the world towards transformative endeavors, hopefully the kind that doesn’t create dependence, but empowers recipients to make the most of gifts they already have, with a little help from you. Wealth is conscious and conscience spending—knowing where your money is going so that you are not supporting initiatives that degrade and hurt the world and humanity. It is putting your money to relevant use. Wealth is money working through you but not just for you.  It is allocation rather than accumulation. It is stewardship, not ownership.

Learning and living this is a process of simplifying and getting to know oneself. It took me years to figure out that too much mold growing on my belongings in storage wasn’t just a mold problem.  It was a problem of having too many unused, stagnant things.  If you’re not using what you have, you have too much! I downgraded, simplified, and find that there is still more room to pare down.  Today, it is a constant practice. Nice shirt, yes, but still white and how many of those do you really need, no matter how often the self-proclaimed style mavens scream, “you can never have enough white shirts!!” You can. You can have too many. You can have too much of anything.  Accumulation is not wealth; it is the opposite. It is making stagnant something that should flow outwardly towards more relevant use.

When I moved to a house a third the size of my former one and began to unpack, I was literally overwhelmed with stuff. Stuffed with stuff. I unearthed Christmas presents from the past that were stored and never used. My burden—and that is truly what it was—was to unload this sorry accumulation.  I sold, gave to friends, donated to charity bazaars and simply put things where they ought to be—not all with me doing nothing, but everywhere else doing something!  Money is a practical way to move in the world and it is our task to make sure it moves through us in meaningful and positive ways.

This perspective would not be complete without a word on stolen or ill-gotten money. It is not wealth and it is not yours. No amount of putting it into “projects for the poor” will make it so.  Raising children on money that is coated in slime is unforgivable.  It is not the way to give them a better life; it is a straight path to a lifetime of murky and unresolved money issues.  What parent would bequeath such a burden to their children?

Wealth carries a strong moral imperative that is passed down to our children (and theirs) by the way we spend--what and when we buy things for them and our current attitudes and habits surrounding money.  What is the right age for them to get their first cell phone, what will it be used for, how will the bills be regulated, what happens when it is lost, what model are you getting for them, how often will you upgrade?  How many pairs of basketball shoes do they have? Need? Laptop vs. desktop? We are monitoring more than the objects themselves but their relevance, use, the short and long term impact on our children’s spending and using habits, their attitudes towards moderation and excess, and ultimately their sense of earning versus entitlement. How do you answer these questions in your own life? 

Yes, you can afford to buy your children anything they want, but should you? Are we living today in a way that passes on a sense of stewardship or ownership of money? We can say all the right things, but in the end it is how we live, share, receive and give that will complete the picture for them and dictate how they will use what they have as grown, productive, responsible, socially-engaged, compassionate members of society.

Very recently my son said to me, “Mama, I heard there’s a billionaire who lives on his own island.  He’s so far away from his office so he has to take his plane to work everyday!” He was so impressed with this picture.  I felt the need to offer an alternative one. “Well,” I began, thankful for the true story I was about to share, “there’s also a billionaire who has given away his money, lives in the same house he’s had since before he was that rich, drives a simple car and travels economy on commercial flights.”  My son looked at me and said, “Why?”  I looked right back at him and said, “Because he chooses to use his money for other things. He’d rather use it to help people.  He has what he needs, so the rest he puts back into the world for good.”  My son was very quiet.  Then he flashed me the biggest smile, full of sudden comprehension and light, and said, “Coooooool. So coooooool.”

Oh yeah. True wealth ought to be just that.

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This piece was written last year for Town & Country. Thank you to reader George Martinez for bringing it to light again. 

Sober All By Myself

I'm allergic to alcohol, so I don't drink.  Of course I sort of experimented when I was young, but the discomfort that came with drinking turned me off it. Seeing what alcohol did to people convinced me it wasn't worth it.

I see how people get: slurry, obnoxious, hurtful, emotional, loose-tongued, generally controlled by something other than themselves. It is never a pretty picture.

I hit my thirties and grew tired of being sole witness to people making fools and asses of themselves, so  I put my foot down. Enough. I knew when to stay home. If a certain constellation of drinkers were coming together, I exercised my right to stay away and not be part of the descent into the lower self. It's not fun.

Lately, I've been finding myself among drinkers again and though I find that the years have made me more patient and tolerant, the experience still leaves me full of questions.  Consciousness, clarity, a full sense of oneself, these are all hard-earned faculties. I know that for me they are. I will not give them away for a few hours of inebriation.

I've always been the outsider looking in, and all I can see are people who are wanting to leave themselves, looking for solace, escape, as if there were a way to escape oneself. There isn't.

There is something to be said about appreciating good wine and spirits, but not to the point of letting them take over you, of turning you into someone who would say things you would normally keep to yourself, and inflict on others what you would not be able to otherwise.

To be more fully human is to go with courage into yourself to face life's challenges head on, without needing to dull the soul with substances that would take you away -- not closer -- to everything life has to offer. There is one true way to honor your life and that is to live it in full and active participation.

For Wyngard

Rowell, Wyngard, Olive, Agot, me and Garlic

I lost a friend today. In truth, he was so much more than that.  He was a mother to me. I was 15 or 16 when I first met him. Even then he looked out for me, often offering guidance no one else seemed capable of at the time. We reconnected in the early 90s for a few intense years where we spent most nights together eating, laughing, telling stories, and becoming the best of friends. He introduced me to Rei and the three of us made an odd but wildly fun triangle. We would part late at night, only to call each other again to talk and laugh about the evening. At the height of this friendship he said, "Dadating din ang araw na magkakahiwalay tayo, tandaan niyo iyan, mag-aaway tayo, tapos magkakabati na naman tayo, sama-sama ulit, tapos mag-iiba na naman. Ganoon talaga ang buhay." And, of course, he was right.

That intensity died down when I married and had children, though we still saw each other sporadically through the years. When it was just the two of us, we never did small talk. Wyngard was always privy to the major stories of my life and too often predicted stuff I could not foresee, or refused to see. He always knew what others couldn't know. He kept my deepest pains close to his heart and he never forgot. Whenever I tried to make light of things, he saw through me. He would never allow me to disguise my feelings.  He would call me on them and I had no choice but to own up. We always laughed together. He was the epitome of tough love and had no patience for pretension or frivolity.

The last time I saw him he was recovering from a grueling heart surgery. Before the operation, I had visited him and wanted to talk him out of it, but we had reached that point of full acceptance in our friendship.  I respected his decision to heal his physical heart through surgery, even though I so wanted him to approach it differently.  The visit was light and very funny and, as usual, there was no end to his visitors. He was so loved. He survived the surgery and was well enough to see me and other friends for dinner.

He was already sitting at our table when I walked in. He stood up and said, "O, as usual tayo na naman ang maaga." Then we hugged, kissed, and got down to business.  He asked me pointed questions about my life and scolded me for being "too nice".  I laughed, but it warmed my heart to be reminded that he always had my back.  I asked about his surgery and he told me how difficult recovery was and how painful, and I told him I could never have endured what he had.  What were the chances of anyone surviving something like that?

The day I heard of the post-surgery stroke, I had woken up thinking of him.  I had told him I would lend him my Mad Men dvds, and since I live so far from the city, I was working out a schedule in my head.  But it wasn't meant to be. He never quite woke up again.  That dinner we had in September was the last time I saw him. I am happy to remember him that way.

He hasn't left my thoughts since and I am full of gratitude today for everything he was to me.  Each time I shed tears, I also hear his admonishment: "Ang drama ha. Hindi bagay sa suot mo." Or something like that. Even in death he makes me laugh.

There are so many, many memories, but they are for me to keep. I write this now as an offering, to put him here on this space, on this day. I love you, Wyngard, and I will miss everything about you. I thank you for watching over me, for seeing through me, and never allowing me to be anything but myself. Next time will be much better. I look forward to it already.

Today, Wyngard Tracy left the earth and was born to the angels. I am honored to have been part of his journey.



Thank you GARLIC GARCIA for the photo.

Nostalgia

Yes. it's the 45th anniversary of this wonderful film. I remember it well. It is also a very special film in our family because it's the first my children ever saw.

I watched the Oprah episode with the cast and found myself feeling quite sentimental and nostalgic. Seeing all the actors who played the Von Trapp children as adults makes one feel the passage of time. There were behind the scenes photos, too.  The one that struck me the most was of a very young Julie Andrews holding the hand of her toddler daughter. That photo reminded me of how simple life was for actors at the time and also how actors were actors and not the stars and megastars they are today, constantly hounded by cameras--their bags, shoes, relationships, blings, successes, failures, faux pas, always scrutinized and broadcasted.  You could be an actor then and have a life.  How many of us even knew she was a young mother at the time? What did we really know about her?

Today it's all about too much information.  Just a few nights ago, a local actress was interviewed and suddenly, somehow, they were talking about her underwear.  Who wants to know?  I certainly don't. But the sad thing is, so many others do.  The world today pushes information at you. It's almost impossible to keep it out and many just keep wanting more, thinking nothing of propriety.

How much do we really need to know? The challenge is to know that all that information is out there, but  to be able to determine which ones hold water. I am guilty of the same in this day and age of Twitter and Facebook, but that one photograph brought it home for me.

Simplicity, dignity--these do not have to belong to the past.

Give!

A Gift

It's a special day for me. I was putting my house in order when I decided to open a favorite book, The Human Life, by George and Gisela O'Neil. The book opened to this page and I thought it so appropriate, given what we are dealing with in the issues surrounding the RH Bill. It was an uplifting present.

RUDOLF STEINER ON THE THEME: THE NEW LANGUAGE

I am born prejudiced and must first achieve in life the freedom from thought and prejudice. And how can I acquire this here on earth? Only through this: that I unfold interest not merely for what I myself think, what I consider to be right, but that I unfold selfless interest, in everything that others think and that approaches me, however much I consider it to be in error.


The more a man insists upon his own headstrong opinions, and is interested only in these, the more does he stray from the Spirit of Humanity--at this moment of World evolution.


The more a man unfolds his social interest in the views of others, even if he considers them to be in error; the more he illuminates his own thoughts through the views of others; the more he juxtaposes his own thoughts (which he perhaps takes for truth) alongside the thoughts of others, which he considers mistaken but still willingly shows interest in them; the more he will experience within the innermost part of his soul the christ Word that today must be interpreted according to the new Christ language....


In this way Christ speaks today to those who wish to hear Him: "What one of the least of your brethren thinks, you have to value thus, that I think within him and that I feel with you, as you compare his thoughts with your own, as you show social interest for what goes on in the soul of the other.  What you find as notion, as life view in one of the least of your brethren, in this you will seek Me." So speaks the Christ into our thought life...


Christ is the God of all men. We will not find Him when, with our thoughts, we stay egoistically within ourselves, but only when we weigh our thoughts in comparison with thoughts of others; when in inner tolerance we expand our interest in everything that is human; when we tell ourselves: Through my birth I am a man of prejudice. Through my rebirth out of the thoughts of all men, in a broad, social thought feeling, I will find within myself the Christ Impulse. When I do not view myself alone as the source of everything that I think; but view myself, in the innermost part of my soul, as a member of mankind, then a path to Christ will be found.


This is the path that today must be designated as the Thought Path to the Christ. Astern self-education is needed to acquire this sense of reckoning with the thoughts of others. It must become an earnest life task, in conversations with others, to correct what we automatically carry as our views within ourselves. Were this not to take place, as a life task among men, mankind would lose the way to Christ. Today, this is the path of thought...


Don't ask for abstract paths to Christ: ask for these concrete ways. Ask how it is with the path of thought: it consists in becoming inwardly tolerant for the views of humanity, in gaining social interest in the thoughts of others.

For Doctors and Healers

Please click on the image to enlarge. Then help me spread the word!

Julian Treasure: Shh! Sound health in 8 steps | Video on TED.com

Didn't I just write about this? If you care about silence, natural and healing sounds, watch this awesome video.

Julian Treasure: Shh! Sound health in 8 steps | Video on TED.com

TURN IT DOWN!!!

Seriously, how loud does everything have to be?  At a dinner with friends Friday night, we talked about how often we have to ask for music to be turned down everywhere we go--from stores, to coffee shops and restaurants, everything has become unbearably noisy.

I entered a watch store a few weeks back and couldn't get the attention of any of the salespeople. They were staring vacantly, yet absently moving along with the deafening beat. They were in slow motion. I was trying to ask a question and was motioning to my ears and they still didn't get it. I finally yelled, "CAN YOU PLEASE TURN DOWN THE MUSIC ?" Yes, it was that loud. Very, very loud. They looked at me as though I were a crazy villainess and grudgingly slow motioned to wherever the controls were. They adjusted the volume so minutely that I just gave up and walked out.

On a recent trip this summer, D. and I marvelled at how nice and quiet the malls were. You can actually think while you shop and enjoy walking without feeling so assaulted. Here, I zip in and out and have learned to stay away from noisy places.  If I'm hearing the music from outside, I know it's going to be unbearable inside. Forget it.

Really, how loud does it need to be? Until there are laws that protect our hearing, I'm going to keep asking everyone to please turn it down.

TURN IT DOWN!

The Inner Condition

I've been thinking about this a lot, especially since August 23. We look to the outside too much and pay hardly enough attention to what goes on inside us.

I had a run in with someone who calls himself a healer a few months back. First, the man was difficult to reach and never responded. Our mutual friend said it was because he was always losing his phone. Already then I felt a twinge of alarm. It sounded like he was all over the place and didn't have his act together.  I'm not sure that bodes well for someone who works in the realm of health. But, like I always do, I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and try again.

This time the response was swift. He asked me to fill up quite involved questionnaires. They were so involved that I put them aside, especially since there was a lot going on in my household at the time. Finally,  when things settled, I got everything done and called him back. His replies were so negative. He said that he couldn't believe how long it took me to reply and the image of a mother who can't even put aside an hour while her children are very sick is disturbing. He went on to make other assumptions that came from left field--that perhaps my husband was against homeopathics and if that were the case, why there are so many articles that support the work--blah, blah, blah. He was offensive and judgmental at the very least. That, to me, is NOT a healer. A healer includes and makes whole. He doesn't divide and puncture. We hadn't even started and he was already all over the place with his negativity and unfounded conjectures. It was very clear to me that I could not allow him into my family life.

In the interest of being objective and impartial, we have made it our practice to ignore the inner condition of people. But as I get older, I find that I am more and more interested in that because in the end, that is what informs everything.  What we experience outside comes from there and I cannot put a person's inner condition separate from everything else. That healer was toxic. I cannot put my family's health in his hands. I can no longer say, well, he has personal issues but maybe his work will stand. No more. I've learned over and over again that it is an indivisible whole. Especially in the realm of health, it simply cannot be.

When we begin to understand, recognize and practice seeing the whole rather than the parts, I believe our lives will be made simpler, richer and our paths so much clearer. What is inside always manifests outside.

August 23

I have been dreading this space since August 23. Like most tragedies that hit our nation, there are simply no words.  I'm writing this to share some insights on internal factors that I feel were informing events at the Quirino Grandstand and on the internet.

There was so much anger and blame online. I was part of it until I realized it wasn't really accomplishing much. After feeling utterly useless and overstimulated by the horrible images,  I turned everything off. I could not watch any more of the live coverage. I could not believe I was watching it blow-by-blow as it happened.  I left the room and lit a candle for those who died--and for humanity in general--sending out all the love, comfort and warmth I could muster. A few minutes later, D. came into the room and sat with me in silence and prayer, exactly the way we do when someone we know has crossed over. We made a conscious effort to get out of the virtual world and engage in something human. Someone later tweeted, with an expletive or two, that he was tired of all the calls for prayer. What he wanted was action. Those who know the power of prayer, know it is action. Prayer (not the emotional asking for the moon kind) is thinking and reflection with compassion. At that moment, it was a very powerful deed.  Nothing else would be accomplished online.

As a people, I have observed that we are sorely lacking in boundaries. You see it in our geography, too. Water surrounds us, the earth constantly shifts beneath our feet and we like to be fluid and soft and warm. Our challenge is to create boundaries where needed. The police didn't give it to media and could not muster enough for themselves. People around couldn't keep away. The media got too close and, in my opinion, did not exercise enough restraint. I am all for reporting and bringing truth and facts across, but when lives are in the balance, delayed broadcast would be the better choice. Everyone wanted in on the action. Some people from media decided they could get close and interview the hostage-taker and voila, they did. Everyone wanted to do everything except step back and create boundaries.

We need boundaries. We ought to have them in the form of laws, which we seem to be able to craft. But implementing and following them--these are difficult for us.  I believe it is because most of us are extremely boundary-challenged.  We don't have the internal alarms that tell us when we are too close to the person beside us in the queue, or that the question we want to ask is inappropriate.  We grandstand during hearings because we have a bigger sense of ourselves and none of the other.  We grin and laugh during a hostage crisis because the cameras are rolling and somehow we've blurred the lines between virtual and real. We take souvenir shots of ourselves in front of the bus where so many lives were lost and post them online. We don't care that the money we used to build our fortune -- the one that allows our daughters to buy their exorbitantly priced designer bags -- came from government. That means we robbed hardworking taxpayers. Did you feel that when you crossed the boundary? Did you know there was a boundary?

Someone else tweeted that if we tried to figure out the motives of hostage-taker, we would end up going all the way back to his mommy. I think that was meant to be funny, but in the end I have to say, absolutely.

As a mother, I make sure I raise my children to recognize boundaries. How? I create them. Discipline, consistency and integrity. Rules are clear. Consequences as well. And I try with everything I have, to be true to what I say. Whatever comes out of my mouth is followed through.  I live what I preach. They see it and grow up in it.  Strengthening these inner boundaries make up a well-structured moral life. Having a sense of where you stand and where others do is a healthy social skill to have.  It is inside that we have to look to see what went wrong.

Everyone wants to say enough talking, let's start acting. Well, I have news for you, we can't walk the talk if we haven't figured out the talk. We need to connect the dots, see the relationships that make us whole as human beings and make sure that we are always walking that path of integrity.  This brand of thinking is self-reflection towards conscious, purposeful and directed action. What ails this country can only be healed within. The future of this country depends on what we do today, inside ourselves, because that will inform how we behave and create and move in society. We start at home with ourselves and with our kids. 

Until then, we continue working furiously at outer structures that keep crumbling because the foundation we keep avoiding has long been rotten to the core.

Just Another Day With My Globe Guy

My internet connection conked out Monday night. Both my phone lines died. One phone was repaired last night. The other, along with my internet, only minutes ago. Here's a glimpse of one of many similar experiences with Globe service team:

Me: Bakit palaging nasisira ang telepono ko?
Globe: O nga po, on and off.

Iyon lang.

Globe: Maam, kagabi pa po na-restore ang internet dito.
Me: Bakit iyong sa akin, hindi?
Globe: Shrug.

Iyon din lang.

Me: Kung hindi niyo alam, malamang mangyayari ulit.
Globe: Giggle.


Can't we all do better?

Farming in Harmony with the Cosmos:

Introduction to Bio-dynamic Agriculture

Thursday, September  2, 2010, 6:00pm-8:30pm

ISIP Center, 6241 Palma cor Mañalac St., Makati City (near Rockwell)

FEE: P600 including handouts and light snack

Institute for Steiner’s Ideas in Practice (ISIP) Philippines presents a lecture by Gregory Kitma, one of the country’s leading expert practitioners on Bio-dynamic Farming.

Many of us have heard of and are quite familiar with ORGANIC farming. Organic food production requires the use of safe, sustainable farming methods, producing healthy crops and livestock without damage to the environment. No artificial or chemical fertilizers and pesticides are used, and animals are reared without use of antibiotics and drugs. The health of the soil is maintained and the welfare of livestock considered.

Bio-dynamic farmers take the organic concept even further. The approach is holistic, recognizing that there are invisible life forces embedded in plants and animals that work in partnership. There is a recognition that the whole earth is a living organism in harmony with the vast cosmos, and each farm is unique. The result is food within nature’s organization bursting with health and vitality.

The evening introductory lecture will provide participants with the basic philosophy, principles, and methods of Bio-dynamic Agriculture.

Fee

P600, inclusive of handouts and light snacks

Schedule

5:30pm             Registration and snacks

6:00pm-8:30pm  Lecture

For reservations and inquiries

Call (02) 899 46 75, text 0920 983 1329 or email ISIP.Philippines@gmail.com

Chi Running

I was never one for running. I tried it, admittedly without conviction, motivation nor pleasure, many years ago and just found it too jarring and not my thing. I was happy just walking, doing my pilates, rebounding, doing everything slowly.  But then the forties hit and those who are there with me know what that means for the body. I felt I needed to do more and though I love rebounding, I live in a fantastic neighborhood for walking and, well, running. Yup, I felt the time had come to add that to my regimen.

So I sent an SMS to all my runner friends asking for numbers of trainers. I was going to get into this with proper training. Stories of running injuries abound and I didn't want that at all;  I wanted to start properly. Well, one text message mentioned Chi Running. That intrigued me so I googled it and got very excited.

Chi Running incorporates core work, proper alignment, body awareness, relaxation and enjoyment into your running technique. It teaches you how to let gravity work for you. There is a wisdom here that I already live by in the many platforms of exercise and movement I continue to use in my life. Danny Dreyer, the founder of Chi Running leads a holistic lifestyle and believes that running doesn't have to mean injuries. He runs with a focus on the body-mind connection and that really appealed to me.

The best thing about learning Chi Running is there's a local certified instructor, Lit Onrubia.  We waited a few weeks before he could come out to our neck of the woods but it was worth it.  He gives workshops regularly, so I'm sure you'll be able to find one that will fit your schedule. If you're contemplating running, do this first! I used to pant going uphill and put on invisible breaks going downhill, but a few hours with Lit and I already have a technique that works. Now I look at hills with zero dread--ok--greatly diminished dread.

You guys, Lit makes running a pleasure! Chi Running rocks!

What's Up With That?

After years of initiatives and having to deal with charging fees for workshops and lectures, I have come to the painful conclusion that Filipinos need to come into a healthier relationship with money. Our view is one of scarcity and fear. Mind you, I understand that, because I also have that in me, but I am conscious of it and try to work towards an attitude of abundance.

In the last two lectures we organized, we pegged the price at P500 and then P200 for teachers and students. We used to have a "pay what you can" policy but always ended up with too many people not paying at all, or paying so little, even if they could clearly afford to put their money towards the extras like t-shirts and snacks. So, enough of that. We all know by now that Pinoys need boundaries, so it's better to set the fee.

Well, it's funny the things you learn about people and their attitude towards money. Even those who can afford the fee, will try to pay the lower fee. Others sneak in and evade paying completely. And I know every one of them. There were those I told point blank, and they nodded and pretended to be called away and never came back. Others just came in, sat, and just left. Quickly. Well, some I let go because I couldn't keep track and also I just believe in karma anyway, but those I could keep track of got a text message today. I have yet to receive evidence that I have not been ignored. A dear lady gave extra and told me not to give her change as she wanted to donate it. She also received a message of profound gratitude for that gesture of consciousness and uprightness.

They came to hear someone share his life's work. There is value to that and clearly everyone took from it. Well, the money you pay to hear him is recognition and support of his work, from which you take and that is just. You pay what you can. By contributing financially to this lecture that YOU decided to partake of, at the level you can truly afford, you are acknowledging the speaker's hard work, his wisdom, and everything that you are receiving from it. You are also putting value on what you are receiving from his sharing.

As for me, the gloves are off. I find that I also have difficulty being forthright in asking, face to face, for what is due. So I acknowledge that I have a part in enabling this abhorrent and selfish behavior. I'm getting better at it, but I still need to be able to do it for those who keep trying to escape. The bottom line is, if you do not want to give, then please do not take.

Money is energy and what will return to you will be equal to what you put out. I find solace in that. Those who refuse to put out, even though they can, will also be on the receiving end of stinginess and contraction. Never expansion. Yup, there is much solace in that.

The Art of the Heart

Frank Chester blew us away and so many begged to hear him again. So, if you missed his first talk, here's your chance! Please click on the image, or here for more details.

You MUST hear Frank Chester!!!

I know this is small, as usual, so please look at the details here.

CLICK ON THIS!

Unplugged

That's what we were forced to be, thanks to storm Basyang.  It's weird how naked we feel without our phone (I had to charge mine in the car), computer, and other gadgets. I was out of sorts for the first hour or so, before I hit my unplugged stride.

It was a good day for art and spring cleaning. My son and I did wet-on-wet painting, and I did my paintings over and over again until I got them dark and vibrant enough, then I decided to organize the bookshelves. Kids have a way of taking books out of the shelves and returning them wherever so that over time, like anything untended, it becomes a mess. Well, I got that sorted today so the next time they ask me for a book they can read, I know exactly where to go.

It's night time now and obviously I'm plugged again, but I have to say it was nice to be really quiet again, to be present and active in things that truly make a life.

"Get on with the business at hand"

This was surprisingly painful to watch (you can watch the rest on youtube). The name "Marcos" hits me straight in the solar plexus. My brother's father was a crony, so our family experienced what it was like to be in the periphery of that brand of power. My children carry the Lopez name and I know what the Marcos family did to their family. As with all families injured by that regime, their lives were forever altered.

I tried to watch this with a certain amount of openness and objectivity. I see Irene Marcos from time to time, walking around, and I ask myself what it must be like to be in her shoes. I try not to lay the sins of the father on the children, and yet I carry so many questions: Do they really believe their parents innocent? Have they participated, through their silence, in the crimes? Do they not question the source of their wealth? Do they burn to make restitution for charges against them, for the sake of their children and those yet unborn, but already fated to carry their name? Are they angry, defiant, in denial? What?

What about the torture, murders, lives torn apart, billions stolen and never recovered, plunging the country into misery, from which we have yet to recover? How can anyone living here today talk about healing this nation when all we do is gloss over the past? That's not healing.

President Noynoy Aquino said it himself, "There can be no reconciliation without justice." There can only be justice and healing if there is truth. This applies to every pain and trauma in life. We can only heal when we can see the truth and find our place in it. When we see the whole picture, we can make sense of it and define how to move within it. Only then can we "move on" and "heal" and "unite". Until then, there is no real resolution. How can anyone find peace in the face of darkness? We need to be able to see to make sense of things. You cannot keep travelling on a road strewn with debris. You have to create a path, the more well-lit it is, the better able you are to move. That's the way of humanity. Anything less diminishes it.

Let's stop this nonsense about "moving on" and "uniting" and "healing", as if we could just step into it with glee. Everyone wants that, but there is a process that must be followed. We have to take the steps that will bring us there authentically. There must be a plan that supports truth and justice. Once that road is paved and lit, everyone would gladly walk it.

Until then, the first and only step is the truth. All of it.

So It Is

I've said it before: President Noynoy was not my guy, but now that he's there, I want nothing more than for him to succeed.

I watched the inauguration on television, hoping to see something new--something infinitely more somber and dignified. I didn't expect it to look like a television special with all the singing and dancing. So, on that score, I was very disappointed.

It has become norm to infuse every occasion with "entertainment", as if we couldn't bear to sit through anything that didn't involve a celebrity or two. From weddings, to birthdays and anniversaries, and now to the Presidential Inauguration, everything looks like a TV special (and I use the word very loosely). That says so much about our culture today. We have lost the ability to keep things simple, yet full of dignity and meaning.

I woke up to a youtube video of the street party, which presumably was planned to make President Aquino start his term as a true leader of the people, but again there were the hysterical hosts who were whining and screaming like teenagers, asking the President to sing. And then once more. That was a bit much. I want a leader who can say no to all the shallow nonsense. I won't even talk about the quality of singing.

You can be a leader of the people by raising us up to the standard we know can be ours. It doesn't serve us to see you take on the variety show mantle. That isn't the best we can be. We can be so much more. If you believe that, help take us there by putting your foot down. Show us something new. Help us to transform the showbiz consciousness of the people. We are so creative and we can solve all our problems, if only we could stop the showbiz nonsense and channel all that creative energy towards transforming our country. Show us the way.

I write this with all hope that President Noynoy Aquino will be the leader we deserve. I wish him the very best.

Photograph: Ted Aljibe/AFP/Getty Images

String Bags at the Whitespace Market

I love these ecobags. I own a few and always get asked about them, so on my last trip abroad, I decided to bring some home to sell. They can carry up to 40lbs (YES!), are very light and pretty, but expand to an unimaginable girth, too. So, if you are as committed as I am to quit using plastic and keep reusing, come visit our table at the Whitespace market today, June 27, at 2314 Chino Roces Ave., formerly Pasong Tamo Extension (look for the green gate). The market opens at noon and closes at 7pm. There's great food by Margarita Fores plus a lot of earth-friendly buys. We're also selling special books at 30% off, plus other Steiner Education materials.

See you there! (If you miss it, see you there every last Sunday of the month.)

Whistleblowing

Lakmodin "Laks" Saliao, a houseboy of the Ampatuans, is the latest witness to step forward to testify against the family.

I wish that whistleblowing in this country would rise beyond defiant acts of revenge and self-preservation. Saliao himself said that he would have kept their secret (they raised him after all), but when he heard his life had just been put on the menu, he decided he would speak out--and very bravely at that. He put his name and face out there, effectively reducing Koala Boy to Kung Fu Panda, the stuffed toy.

When the massacre was being planned (all within his hearing), the minutes before it happened even, as he he heard father and son discussing details as if they were talking about the weather, did not the lives of others -- the snuffing out of them -- push him to speak? No. It was the threat to his life that did it.

It isn't courage then, is it? It's self-preservation.

When will we get to the point where we feel pushed to do what is right because we actually care about human lives other than our own?

ST. JOHN'S TIDE: AN ARTICLE REVISITED

Today is St. John’s Tide, or the Festival of St. John. We celebrate this in the Steiner schools with a story about John, some songs, and a meal of fruit, nuts and honey. In our church, The Christian Community, this festival lasts four weeks.

What is this festival about? First, it is the festival of the human being—-not just any man but an extraordinary human being—-which is what John the Baptist was. Can you imagine being put on earth with the task of preparing the way for the coming of the Christ? I would probably turn back. But he faced it squarely, even if it did mean the end of his earthly life. He knew what his destiny was and fulfilled it with love.

St. John’s Tide is also a harvest festival; a celebration of the summer solstice. Ancient peoples, watching the sun reach its highest point at this time, lit evening bonfires to encourage it to shine and ripen their crops. We come dressed in flaming colors when we celebrate this festival. Some parents have even built real bonfires for their children to experience. I like to think this is a symbol of an inner harvest—a flame that drives us to be better, to purify the old, no matter what our circumstances are.

The message of St. John is clear: Change. Change your thinking. Make straight the crookedness in your soul and in your thoughts. Remove all the obstacles that have kept you stuck in negative cycles. Strengthen the will through spiritual work. In short, get your act together and be all that a human being ought to be.

I think this is particularly relevant today given the way things are in our country. The dissonance is deafening. We are such a Catholic country but also one of the most corrupt with probably one out of every two Catholic husbands fooling around with their Catholic girlfriends (or Catholic KTV girls) while their Catholic wives grin and bear it. Shudder. Let’s not forget the very Catholic president who prays fervently but calls (probably Catholic) Garci on the side.

Change yourself. Make things right, even if the path is difficult and unpopular, because you know that’s what needs to be done so that good can permeate the earth. That’s what John stood for even if it cost him his head. He knew his life meant serving others to make a better world possible. It was his destiny, he saw it clearly and accepted it fully. He met it with strength and grace.

I find these lessons simple yet so profound. If we go by his example, we have an idea of what it means to be human—-to be a vessel through which Christ’s work can be fulfilled. Sure, it no longer means moving rocks and stones that lie on his path the way John did; nor does it mean baptizing people in the river so that they awaken to who they are and change their ways. But it means making a conscious effort to change what we can about ourselves—things we already know must be changed– not just for ourselves but for others. Being a man means being faithful to the demands of the spirit, awake to our life’s task, guided by the courage to go for it. Being human means to harvest and transform the gifts of the earth within us to make our lives matter for mankind.

These are but a few thoughts to help us reconnect with the Christian festivals and discover what they mean for us. John the Baptist was a special man—but a man nonetheless–just like you and me. We celebrate his life and strength by cultivating that which can be extraordinary in us. A bountiful inner harvest to all!

June 2006

PLURK!!!

I remember the first time I was introduced to Plurk. It was at a weekend planning session two Decembers ago. The group was talking about Facebook and Twitter, when the youngest of us said Plurk was the best. It was real-time, interactive, micro-blogging. PLURK?! To begin with, what kind of name was that? The last thing I wanted was one more reason to STAY online. But pretty soon two laptops were up and running again and two people in the group were typing away. And giggling. Typing. Laughing. Before the night ended, we all had our laptops open and an online conversation was in full swing, in separate rooms. Ok, so that's a bit scary, given we were in the same house, but it was fun!! Thus, our little Plurk community was born.

What's interesting is that it has morphed into a virtual office for our group. Plurk has become more than just a space for idle chatter--though sometimes it is that--but a platform for virtual meetings. We've had a lot of "aha" moments chatting online that have led us to pursue certain new paths in our line of work (social transformation initiatives). We set meetings and make plans there and update each other on our joys and sorrows as well.

Plurk has been so useful also when we travel. There was a time two of us were California, another was in New York, and the rest of the team was at home in different parts of Manila. The work continued to flow, as our friendships did, and we continued to update each other on our lives and our work. You open your Plurk screen in the morning, and there everyone is.

Some people keep their Plurks open to the public and have fans. I've made a conscious choice not to do that and to limit my community to work, family, plus. That's one of the things I love about it: I can define it. I know what I want to use it for and that's what it has been for me.

I recently left Facebook, am trying out Twitter (so far, it doesn't do anything for me), but Plurk has remained my constant online window to a relevant world I have defined. I love the way it is organized (you have to experience it to understand what I mean). I love that you can really feel community there. It's one way I've kept in touch with a sister who lives in California, so that when we do see each other, it doesn't feel like we were apart at all. You can have silly chatter, but you can also have locked exchanges and have serious conversations, as many of us have.

I've accepted that it's impossible to be free of online social platforms, but I find that so far only Plurk gives me what I need--a true community, albeit online--that is safe, fun, and really useful.

If you have something to say online and don't need to shout it out to the often murky online world, Plurk it instead.

PLURK!!!

FREEDOM OF INFORMATION BILL

Great Eco Finds!

I'm so excited when I find great products. I'm particularly excited when "establishment' corporations like 3M begin to do something worthwhile. Biodegradable wipes and sponges at last! YAHOOOOOOO!!!! I found these at True Value. Of course you have to really be on the look out for certain key words--a skill I've developed over time--like biodegradable, green (but make sure you read why), organic, phosphate-free, non-toxic--to spot them. These sponges were practically hidden on a stand-alone shelf along the main aisle. But I've developed a sixth sense for these things and am often happily surprised at what I find.

I'm also happy that there's a new natural local detergent. I used to use Victoria but the residue it leaves on my machine leaves much to be desired. I use Messy Bessy now, but I have to go so far to get it, so I was excited to see this brand at the South Supermarket in Alabang. Yes, just there sitting beside its more toxic counterparts.

Ang saya!